well currently am just back from club and start to blog due to my mood was not in a good condition , am starting to write what am bothering about this few day , Oh i should said all this while ... alright here i go . :)
All this while i hope and i wish that things would turns out well for me but it seems that everything ish going against me ... suddenly being sack for no reason ... as due to some backstabber ... and i decided to stand up again and move to the other job but well thing isn't seems to goes well for me ... cause after being sack , bad thing have been coming and coming ...
quarreling with frenz , having relationship problem etc etc... i can said that this time really hits me damn hard , real hard ! that i nearly cant even handle it but well i still over come all this thing and move on to the next chapter of my life , well there alway this words going around ish that , friend comes and go , even best frenz ... what new's ? isn't it ? all this while i have been so loyal till tat everyone takes me for granted ... even in my relationship ... i cant even handle such a simple thing yet i still hope to get something big ... kinda loser isn't it ? everyone was despising me , criticizing me , and even detest me ... what can i do ? nth seriously !!! just because am not willing to be who they want me to be ... i just wanted to ask is it so hard to be myself ? am i born out to live with on the way u guys wan me to be ? joke seriously ! i have not been enjoying myself ever since i start to independent but what i get in the end ? nth ! just nothing ! all along i fight for so hard in the end still get nothing ... i just wan a basic respect from others is it so hard ? no i don think so ! cause i have respect u guys even u guys don respect me ! but u guys just like to take me for granted ! treat me like a fool ! but still ... i just let u guys play me out cause i believe if i can put a smile on u guys by taking me for granted or even to the extend of treating me as a fool ! it more den enough for me ! but i just wan u guys to know one thing that ish am a human too ! i have feeling ! don treat me as if am a robot ... now am living my own way by being myself and u guys said am being so despicable , going around flirt , willing to have sex with other without any complain , being so sluttish everywhere i go ! i really wanna ask u guys one thing ! do u guys ever put urself into my shoe ? nope :) did u guys ever walk pass what i had gone thru ? nope ! :) so i hope u guys just shut the fuck up thanks ! ish not that am changing ! ish just that i stop living in my past ... get it ? i also hope to do something big ! and willing to forgo my own pride ! FOR YOU GUYS INFO ! am not being cheap and i believe i don owe u guys any reason for what am i doing :) ! destroying my own health ? destroying my own reputation ? destroying my own pride ? or whatever u called that ish also my own FUCKING BUSINESS ! hope u guys can understand ! as least i do all this thing won hurt me as much as in relationship ... to be frank i really need a getaway ! for permanent seriously how i wish that i could just gone like that but i told myself every obstacle i face ish every step that am growing up ... no matte how tough it ish am still gonna bite my own teeth and move on ... like this few days am really down and i just hope that someone just anyone will do could just understand how i feel ! i felt hectic , felt restless , felt lonely , felt breathless , felt impulsive etc etc i don hate myself ! i just purely hate what ish happening around me ... i need a break really i wanna cry out , cry out real loud , nobody understand how i feel , tons of burden ish pressuring me , but still i manage to face everyday with smile ... well i should stop blogging cause my tears are dropping ... the heartache , the sour feeling , the agony feeling are rapidly filling my heart ... so to prevent this thing i should just head to sleep now ... will be cont next time :)
From : Ethan Chan
feeling damn low now :(
