well am back to blog again , it been a long long time i have not been posting any blog .
alright what am going to share ish i been having nightmare that am not gonna to reveal it out
to said what it ish but am jus feeling super duper scare , whenever i close my eyes the picture of the nightmare came to my image and i don even noe how to erase this dream , am not trying to rem those unhappy thing etc but it jus that it keeps on hunting me down and making me feel so insecure but i cant tell anyone abt it cause i donnoe how to put it in , as in i also don like to being sympathy by other ... that why am behaving in a happy go lucky manner ... i don drop tear infront of them but still i also need a shoulder to relies on ... who would be there for me ? i donnoe . guess that am jus being stubborn and not to let anyone noes how i feel and that all , i have one big regret in my life , that why am still holding on to my stubborness and by not telling other how i feel cause i don wish to repeat the same mistake that i trust the wrong person . am not saying that frenz around me i cant trust ... they can trust but i jus don wish anyone to noe how i feel that all . call me self fish or whatever thing bah am not gonna to get piss with what u people comment on me because beside that i only can trust myself excluding my mum , i really wish to cry out loud and throw those unhappy memories into the deep blue sea but somehow i jus cant get thru it ...
i been looking up the sky and thinks back all the unhappy/happy past that i have ,
tear slowly runs down my cheeks , heart become more and more sour .
i try not to drop any single tear since the day where thing happen to be so unlucky for me ...
in my mind i have been thru mountain and sea jus to find back the smile that i uses to have
but till now deep in my heart am still in a lost ... who can unlock my heart , and open the door that have been locked for years and wake me up in from the reality ? i donnoe and i dare not to think ... i don dare to even go find ...
but i know that gods alway be there for me . blame it on myself to throw the key into the deep blue sea and hope no ones find it but i do that i have my own reason ...
am not trying to make myself into miserable mood instead am trying my beri best to gain back
all the smile that appear in my face before ... people around me have seem to be changing alot and i noe i should accept the fact by doing my own job well and not to be so pathetic by making myself so unglam infront of everyone , i hope peoples around me are happy and laughter in their faces and not sad faces ... yeap !!! i do agree i done my part . so i won be blaming other etc ...
what i wish now ish everything goes smoothly and my lucky , smiles come back to me .
and last but not least
TO THOSE POLITICALLY NAIVE PERSON , PLS FUCK OFF IF YOU DONNOE ME WELL !
WELL , AM NOT A DUMB ASS BUT AM A SILENT KILLER
TREAT ME NICE I TREAT U BACK NICE ,
TREAT ME BAD I SIMPLY TREAT YOU BACK WHAT YOU DONE TO ME x2
AN EYE FOR AN EYE , I DON WISH TO DO THAT BUT DON FORCE ME .
RESPECT ME I WILL JOLLYWELL RESPECT YOU
AND IF U DON AND I WILL EVENTUALLY TREAT YOU LIKE A PIECES OF SHIT ! :D
GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE AND INCLUDING ME , MUM , XIAO MEI , DA JIE , UNCLE :D
From : Ethan Chan
philosophere Ethan<3>
