■.The time had change
...Friday, December 23, 2011
Alright it been a long time ever since i blog so Currently am gonna said ish all about my work place , i had change to a new environment , new friends , new challenge ... and the company called
Helipad . kinda love this place not because it night life , but ish because the people there are friendly and loving . I knew some new friend that treat me quite good for example , Felicia , bernard , Lu , Tim this four person had never fail to put on a smile on my face no matter when am having emotional thoughts or angry . they are kinda sweet loving frenz love being around with them but well today ish Felicia last day of work everyone was trying to make her smile instead of letting her feel sad haha thinking back the moment it make me feel quite heart warming though , Seriously speaking though the management quite sucks to the extend that i nearly quit this job but have to thanks those people that alway trying their best to make me smile and not to be forgotten that ish Mandy and Sam too well getting to social around the work place really seems to be fun and time seems to pass quite fast ... But currently am still thinking of whether wanna leave this job or continue due to the pay wise damn less for me ...
The next one am gonna blog about ish my life ...
Well , i alway wanted to have a family gathering or dinner but the chances seems to be damn rare ... it been long time ever since i had stay home making , cooking , and eat Tang Yuan (Chinese Traditional Food) together with my family , am still yearning for this day to come but it seems to be never ever will it happen ... Everytime see my friend all post about how they celebrate with their family on special occasion seriously am really envy them to the max ... how i wish i can be like them too but i understand that every family had different life so i won be complaining that how bad my life was . Cause all the while i had to really thanks God that am born perfectly fine without any disfigure at all :) everyone had been telling me that F.A.M.I.L.Y stands for Father And Mother I Love You ... true that but for me i change the sentence to For Awesome Mother I Love You ! cause i had witness how my mum suffer for this whole family so i cant blame her for not able to give me a life like how my friends had . i have alway be grateful to my mum for whatever she do so yeah once again i would like to said Thanks mum ! thanks for everything u had done for me :) I LOVE YOU MUM !!!
Thirdly i wanna said ish about Me & Myself
Thing have been going really hush on me every year , new thing have been coming up for me , new challenge , new people and new enemy well i have nothing to said so i just had to suck thumb and use the most widest smile and face the world everyday ! :) cause no matter what happen on that day it will alway a relaxation at the night so all i can do was to hoping that time pass fast and i can go home and just rest ... To be frank i donnoe how long more can i endure with this kind of heaven will torture that falls on me , i have been strong for too long ! i need a shoulder to lean on and someone to hug me in the arms and tell me everything will be fine ... though i might not be opening my mouth had been keeping thing inside my hearts ish not because i wanna behave like this ish just that i need someone to understand me by themselves as i don have the used of telling other how i feel and so on ... but this had been a real hard stage for people who wanna get close to me and noe what am i thinking ... Seriously am a person who don really talk much about myself , but after all am a human too thing that u don like to do den don do it on me , i will get piss off easily ... don't ever said that i don wanna share my problem then ended up i just drink my life away ... u are not me so u cant judge me just like that ! :) sometime i just feel that am just feeling too hectic that i actually go to the extend of giving up . but i have to keep myself having optimistic thinking , haiz well life still goes on anyway ... what i can said ish wait till the day i give up that means it had already over my limit so one day i change to someone that my friend also don't know ? don't blame me :) i had my own reason to do that ... alright it getting late now gonna get to sleep cause later on still got to work ... :( gonna blog next time when am free :) night blogger !!!
From : Ethan Chan
Cheers !!! life still goes on !
■.another day pass
...Saturday, November 19, 2011
well currently am just back from club and start to blog due to my mood was not in a good condition , am starting to write what am bothering about this few day , Oh i should said all this while ... alright here i go . :)
All this while i hope and i wish that things would turns out well for me but it seems that everything ish going against me ... suddenly being sack for no reason ... as due to some backstabber ... and i decided to stand up again and move to the other job but well thing isn't seems to goes well for me ... cause after being sack , bad thing have been coming and coming ...
quarreling with frenz , having relationship problem etc etc... i can said that this time really hits me damn hard , real hard ! that i nearly cant even handle it but well i still over come all this thing and move on to the next chapter of my life , well there alway this words going around ish that , friend comes and go , even best frenz ... what new's ? isn't it ? all this while i have been so loyal till tat everyone takes me for granted ... even in my relationship ... i cant even handle such a simple thing yet i still hope to get something big ... kinda loser isn't it ? everyone was despising me , criticizing me , and even detest me ... what can i do ? nth seriously !!! just because am not willing to be who they want me to be ... i just wanted to ask is it so hard to be myself ? am i born out to live with on the way u guys wan me to be ? joke seriously ! i have not been enjoying myself ever since i start to independent but what i get in the end ? nth ! just nothing ! all along i fight for so hard in the end still get nothing ... i just wan a basic respect from others is it so hard ? no i don think so ! cause i have respect u guys even u guys don respect me ! but u guys just like to take me for granted ! treat me like a fool ! but still ... i just let u guys play me out cause i believe if i can put a smile on u guys by taking me for granted or even to the extend of treating me as a fool ! it more den enough for me ! but i just wan u guys to know one thing that ish am a human too ! i have feeling ! don treat me as if am a robot ... now am living my own way by being myself and u guys said am being so despicable , going around flirt , willing to have sex with other without any complain , being so sluttish everywhere i go ! i really wanna ask u guys one thing ! do u guys ever put urself into my shoe ? nope :) did u guys ever walk pass what i had gone thru ? nope ! :) so i hope u guys just shut the fuck up thanks ! ish not that am changing ! ish just that i stop living in my past ... get it ? i also hope to do something big ! and willing to forgo my own pride ! FOR YOU GUYS INFO ! am not being cheap and i believe i don owe u guys any reason for what am i doing :) ! destroying my own health ? destroying my own reputation ? destroying my own pride ? or whatever u called that ish also my own FUCKING BUSINESS ! hope u guys can understand ! as least i do all this thing won hurt me as much as in relationship ... to be frank i really need a getaway ! for permanent seriously how i wish that i could just gone like that but i told myself every obstacle i face ish every step that am growing up ... no matte how tough it ish am still gonna bite my own teeth and move on ... like this few days am really down and i just hope that someone just anyone will do could just understand how i feel ! i felt hectic , felt restless , felt lonely , felt breathless , felt impulsive etc etc i don hate myself ! i just purely hate what ish happening around me ... i need a break really i wanna cry out , cry out real loud , nobody understand how i feel , tons of burden ish pressuring me , but still i manage to face everyday with smile ... well i should stop blogging cause my tears are dropping ... the heartache , the sour feeling , the agony feeling are rapidly filling my heart ... so to prevent this thing i should just head to sleep now ... will be cont next time :)
From : Ethan Chan
feeling damn low now :(
■.Hello
...Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Alright gonna update abit in my blog , it been so long ever since i update this >.<" hmm been really hectic for this few mth due to busying with my own stuff ... well as this few month i have learn what ish fon trust people so easily and stuff ... haiz not really in the mood to post anything right now . but well i be starting back my blog from now on so yeah whenever am no happy or whatever i will just post down here and one last thing hello blogger :D am back!!!
From : Ethan
signing off
peace out "V"
■.Just some random thought ...
...Wednesday, February 9, 2011
6 more day it gonna be valentine days ... it a day where every couple go out and celebrate their monsary and anniversary ... Toward me ? what ish valentine ? i donnoe ... Have never go thru valentine day before ... at first i find it beri Shameless , but now ? haas :) nothing at all only thing ish that i really envy those couple ... They argue , They Fight , They Cold War but no matter what they don sarcasm each other which hurts the other party and in the end they still talk to each other and being sweet to each an other hmm am not complaining that why my life ish Much more Different then them or maybe can call it "Special"
This ish how i feel and what i thought :
Being Single
they have lots of freedom ,
They can do whatever they wan but no
one to spend the pain with ,
they tends to eat alone , shop alone ,
sleep alone , Go home alone , no one to chat to every night before sleep
No Morning Msg or GoodNite Msg ... looking at sweet couple they only
can sit there and envy after that they got to tink Positive thing to make them happy
Being In relationship ,
They Fight , Argue , Having Doubts , Cold war , misunderstood each another
but they are as sweet as Honey after every raining period .
They envy Singles cause no ppl to control the freedom Etc Etc ....
and on valentine day , some laugh at those singles , some ask the singles
to join them go out ... they have no bad intention to hurt singles but to ask them join
in the fun in the end they donnoe that they had hurt singles without any their notice .
Singles appreciate it but in their heart they are hurt just that they don show out to others .
Being In Complicated Relationship
They Discreet , They scare of being expose in the public , they are in a special relationship that other ppl might detest it a lot , this ish the relationship that makes them headache cause whenever what u do ... they mind about ur past a lot .... even u told them the truth , they tend to said ok they believe u but in the end they don even give a fuck to what u said and they jus keep on having doubts on u , once they noe that u are at other place never meet them they will tends to dig out ur past and said sarcasm words that hurt u deeply and what u can do ish to keep it to urself and don let other noe how hurt u are ... u just bear the pain beecause u choose to be discreet in this relationship , u have no choice but to keep everything to urself ,
Other thing ish ur other party isn't being sweet to you at all not really care about you at all . All they noe ish they are in right whatever they do thing , even if they are wrong they tends to don said
sorry to you unless u demand for it .
They will tell u they treasure u a lot but Actual Fact ish they freaking take u for granted , just because they noe u need them in ur life so they can act like they noe everything but the fact ish they just scare of being correct etc etc so they tends to push it to other party and eventually it become ur fault . when u told them stuff they will tends to ignore u or just reply with sarcasm word , they don actually noe how u feel at all till u let out everything and they will just say " why u don tell me earlier and must wait till now " or " i just don want to sound out anything cause i want to see whether u will tell me onot if not
This kind of people deserve a one tight slap from the other party . it so obvious that u want them to care for u but in the end u are in the fault ...
That why i alway said , Wants to be a good man or Bad man ish indeed hard ... cause no matter what u will got blame by them ...
This ish Base on how i feel ...
There ish no People that i referring to ...
Congrats to those who already in relationship
and those who are not Fret not alright u will meet yours one day :D
Towards me ? i have or don have also same cause i have never Celebrate
Valentine for 21 years so i don mind though i really hope i can celebrate too :D
Cherish all ur partner now before they are gone alright
No matter u just got into relationship or not just treasure it before its too late :)
From : Ethan Chan
Cheers guys :)
■.Good bye 2010 :) welcome 2011
...Thursday, January 6, 2011
RECALL OF THE PAST
Hmm it a new year and came to think back about it , Another year jus pass as fast as lightning and i cant
imagine that am going to lead a 21 years old boy , oh no ish man , cause am already adult ... hmm
guess that more and more thing will be coming toward me ... another year have pass means that another
challenge has arrive ... when ish it ? i donnoe ... but not to worried as i believe i can overcome it why i said
so ? cause i guess that 2010 ish already a bad year for me and hopefully this year will be better and am up to
any of the challenge :D ... hmm 3 more mth ... jus 3 more mth and am out of this stupid NS ... ish like finally i can
really find a high pay job rather den taking a 400 plus Salary every mth ... hmm alright let my title ish recall the past right so let recall 2010 past ... and it will be the beri last time ...
2010 ish a year where a lot of thing have been happening to me ... such as :
BAD TIMES
being DOUBT by people
having MISUNDERSTANDING with frenz
Break FRIENDSHIP with someone i have totally put trust in .
lack of MONEY ( damn worse )
have some ARGUMENT family ...
argue with someone i HEART most ...
get CHEAT by people (such as MONEY ETC ETC)
do something which will make me feels DISGUSTING of myself
get HURT by people .
get BETRAY by some frenz
GOOD TIMES
I got what i wan such as :
My cam EOS 550D
MAC BOOK
SHIRT AND PANTS
GO OVERSEAS ...
HAVING GOOD TIMES WITH CLIQUES
All this thing ish i had for good time kinda sad right :) but no matte what i still face life with optimistic view
i agree that am having a life that totally different with other ... hmm but who cares right :D i love the way am leading my life and if u guys tink that am a player or what ? i can tell u guys :D u guys are totally wrong :) if u guys donnoe how i use my attitude to face life den jus kindly STFU thx :D so what leading a life that ish totally different from other ? including u guys ? so are u guys trying to said that u guys life ish better den me ? haha good job and congrat den :D for having a better life den me .... XD all this ish the past as i don wish to mention it too so yap :) a new year have arrive ? i shall forgive everything but never forget what had happen :)
To : Those haters ... Listen up bastard/bitches
If u guys wanna to make frenz with me jus to stand some gain from me , den all i can said ish Jolly well
fuck off in my 2011 life :D cause i will treat u guys in a beri different way ... Say all u wan den cause i don really give
a fucking damn on you haters :D if got anything ? confront me den :) i will ans u everything ... now i will ans u guys some of the question that u guys have been backstabbing me :D
Answer/Question
A : Please luh ! he handsome meh ? for what fuck did so many gals/boys falls for him !
Q : I did not said i good looking , so don assume anything bitches get thing clear before u say anything and
i sure have a way to treat the them nice and sweeter den u haters do :D i can give them whatever i wan if i wan to :D
so don jealous about it and get a life yea :D
A : I seriously hate him , don like his attitude at all ! he wear mask in his life times
Q : S.A.E (Simple&Easy) i did not ask u to like me either , and no one ask u to like my attitude :D
yap i agree i wear mask but only toward u haters :D
A : Please don fall for him ! his a playboy and gigolo !!!
Q : Why ? u scare they fall for me and i treat them real sweet and u BTH ? haha alright i understand
hmm yap so what my past it ish ? at least i got the figure to be one of them ? what about u ? please don speak till
like u are innocent pls ! MY FOOT !!! U AIN'T BETTER :D
A : OMG HIS A CHAI TAO !!! Just use his money only !
Q : FUCK U , since when my head grow leaf ? And i have learn how to see thru people :D
A : Oh please refrain urself by what u are doing ...
Q : Yes thx i will but i don tink that u noe how to :D
A : he only noe how to backstab ppl don make frenz with him jus leave him aside .
Q : Erm FYI i don backstab :) change something else better thx :D or are u jealous that me and that whoever ppl u are referring to relationship ish better den you ? haas Jokes
A : OMG now i den noe his a coward or whatever u call that !
Q : :) thx for the compliment that me for not finding and problem not because i coward or what :) wan try ?
bring it on man :D
A : I agree he ish a good looking guy but what for have a good looking face in the end having a cold heart ?
Q : Thx again for the compliment , i have a cold heart ? perhaps bah but there ish reason behind me :D u guys won wan to noe :D
That all for the ans cause i cant be remembering so many thing that u haters said :D
To : Those who hurt/cheated me before :)
Short and Simple : thx for hurting me once and jus because of what u guys did to me , i have
learn how to stay strong , u guys make me drop tears before and i sure i don have to mention
out all name cause u will noe who am i referring to :) it u guys who makes me become today me ...
i agree i did change a lot but it not a choice for me ... i force myself to do it so that i don have to repeat the
same mistake again ... and u guys are alway forever in my mind though u guys have hurt me before ...
but don get me wrong ... i have to said this first , if there ish one day u guys turns back wanna to be friend back
with me ? i will said thx :) i appreciated but sorry am scare of being hurt twice :) please leave me ASAP alone :D
i shall move on with my life since it another new year right :D that all for u guys a deep and faithfully thx to u guys :D
Hmm alright i have already done my 2010 recall the past note ....
now all i can do ish to move on in my life and no more procrastinate anything that coming in my way :D
all the best to Ethan Chan Jun Xi .... forget the past and move on with my life :D hopefully this year will be a better year for me :D May God Bless Me .... with all my might i will try to strike for what i want and i mean it :D
Last but not Least : i hope that in a new year we can like have our own house and hoping that my mum health will be healthier where everyday pass , wishing that my sister had a windfall including me :D money money come come so that we can really live in a world without THOSE people who look down on us :D and let my frenz all can past every year with smooth sailing ahead :D and hopefully what i wish for can come true :( i really pray for it ... hmmm alright that all for the post :D
From : Ethan Chan
It a new year and i believe everything
will be smooth one day :D jus be positive thinking
and every bad thing will eventually walk off ...
and one last thing FUCK OFF HATERS XD
■.I cry again
...Wednesday, November 10, 2010
今天的天气预报，我哭了，因为一些个人的事情...为什么其他人的生活往往会导致更好的然后我。我试着去争取我的未来，但我失败了，我不能是一个懦夫我要留强，使无论是什么在我的生活发生这里不会有一个回头。加油！Ethan , 我相信你能做到。携带争取你的生活，一切都会好转的罚款。今天的天气预报结束。
From : Ethan Chan
No Matter What Thing Will Turns Fine One Day .
■.another moody day
...Tuesday, November 9, 2010
haiz cant think of anything to write anymore so maybe jus here to update my blog and post nothing at here luh hmm ... kkae bah don feel like writing anymore
From: Ethan Chan
今天的天气预报,今天我感觉非常喜怒无常,
不知道发生了什么.今天的雨是超级大
我突然觉得很孤单了, 我发现我慢慢失去自己的方向
不知道我想要什么 :( .
我不知道什么时候才能真正站起来,说我超罚款。
JunXi今天的天气预报完成
■.Thing Will Alway Stay The Same .
...Thursday, October 28, 2010
It been so long that never been to blog and update . so now trying to find something to update
my feeling and thoughts are like blank for the past few day , mood swing suddenly came and i don even noe what ish it about hmm perhaps it because of the weather bah ... looking back at the photo that i thought it was all erase or delete but somehow i found some still leaving behind my old com happen to open my NoteBook and i found all pic ish inside ... Hmm i donnoe ish it i have become more stronger or becoming more and more heart less ... am sorry to said that but when i saw those pic we taken together those group photo and those night riding photo together i really hope that everything will stay the same but den ... So i have no choice but to delete all ur photo . Tear away all photo that been printed out ... haiz maybe this ish jus a part of life bah everything comes and goes and i believe that u are also the other obstacle that makes me lead to a better life without u i learn to noe that whose ish more important to me and whose ish being real towards me ... All this while i tot that u are only one who understand me more but am so wrong ... So after i delete all ur photo i have make up my mind to be happy and not to tink of u . Am proud to said that i make it :D i did not shed any tears when i saw those photo ... i tink there not a needs for me to act happy and put up a fake mask anymore :) i'll be who am i . U lead a better life ? So am I :) i bet and i believe that my life now ish better without u :) all those thing u have cheated on me i won hated u even if i see u now I'll jus said it over !
:D therefore i have to thank you for passing by my heart and leave ur foot step over there as i can learn how to be strong and finally learning to be realistic and not being so over paranoid over a small case :) i learn to be calm and steadfastly settle thing ... A BIG Thanks to You :)
From : Ethan Chan
今天的天气预测,喜怒无常的感觉
思想是混乱的,不知道什么是我该做的事
我真的需要一些建议,但我相信一切都会在我自己的优秀基地
Junxi今天的天气预报报告结束 希望明天会是一个更好的日子.
■.Dumb Cock XD
...Saturday, October 2, 2010
Hmm Donnoe how to said YOU seriously haha :D u tink that being a keyboard warrior , will make u become as if u are something like Genius ? nope sorry u are jus making a fool out of urself hahas :D and one more thing if u think that u got the guts den talk infront of me :D if u have no guts den kindly jus fuck off COWARD !!! Get it ? weirdo ? yup kinda agree :D being a stalker instead of ask ppl out ? ish that all u can do ? Haha den i can really said that u are really Childish :D Oops yah forget u are xiao didi sometime ur balls will jus shrink when u met someone that ish more fierce den u ? only noe how to ask ppl to help u when u have trouble ? Oh pls jus bring it on :) the best ish u face this urself i would admire ur courage but too bad u are not :P hmm guess should not said so much le bah haha ownself noe can liao one last word for u :)
U ARE JUS A PIECE OF SHIT , no need to use vulgar language on u cause am more civilize den u get u kiddo :) go back to ur playground and play bah haha Xp
From : Ethan Chan
Lol You Look Like A Freak !!! :D
And Want Said Me ? Come And Find Me
Don Be A Coward :) Go Home Suck Ur Mum Milk Better =X
■.Mark My Words
...Monday, September 27, 2010
Hmm have been tossing around in my beed for sooo freaking long and i still cant get to slp ... So i decided to blog and finally after my blogging i can really get to sleep :)
Alright gonna blog about what happen this few day :)
HmM let start on the 5 days back .
Thursday : went to club and drink alot because having foul mood and have been neglect
quite alot of ppl i cry again because of thing that am not suppose to think as i promises
to get over with it but it seems like a hard thing for me to do so :( but still am willing to try my best to do it cause everytime when i feel sad i told myself tmr ish a better day :) thx for being at my side though it was a short time :) i do cherish it but i bet that u will not believe it at all but nevermind , the problem ish i noe can le .
Friday : stay at home do nth till the late nite meet up with someone to have dinner with :) after that head home
Saturday : wake up and it like freaking late luh so sam came and meet up with me and den we had our dinner at JALAN BESAR (CURRY RICE) after that head to club :) as usual haha hmm really had a quite a good time over there cause it seems that we won a group of ppl by dancing hahas CONGRAT SHAWN and of cause ME hahas :D
Sunday : Went back camp and was like stonning all the way at work after that take half day off and accom alvin go shopping awhile and den head home IT WAS A FUN OUTING but den am tired so went home early .
Monday : went out at nite to eat den head to LAN to play awhile and den head home till now haven even slp hmm gonna get to slp soon after my blog :)... that all for the days :) and i gonna start night part time soon le wor ... haha earn money earn money XD
Hmm Ok i have been tinking alot ever since the day i start to get emo ...
i find that everything seems to be so fake to me but why am still using
a mask to cover up my unwillingness ? so i have to get myself up and
buck up luh ... i gonna change my life and everything surround me :p
i have to work beri beri hard in order to get myself a good life and
also change a image of mine . i gonna MIA for a time being one day after my ORD
and came back with a different ETHAN CHAN JUN XI ... a Ethan that no one
uses to it ... though i noe that it might be hard but as i said NO PAIN NO GAIN :)
so i gonna change and prove to anyone that ish looking down at me a new Ethan
i make sure when i came back with a Different Look i swear i won make any revenge on
them i will let them noe that in the first place they did not treasure me and now make them
regret ... MARK MY WORDS !!!
To those all the way look down on me and trying to act good to me pls Fuck off now frankly
speaking :) i do bite one day :) if u don like me den jolly well fuck off don stay around me jus
because u can get any thing from me :) sorry it a big NO way to u HATERS ....
And don tink that u are good looking and u can start to show off by taking other for granted
i tink that my looks can even compare to ur look luh pls NO ONE ISH BORN PERFECTLY
GET THIS RIGHT :)
so what even u got the looks and brain ? calling other pathetic ? ish this how far u can go ?
don try to sympathy other when u ownself ish also not in a good state :) so why not jus stop
all ur freaking gossiping and spreading rumors about other ? and get ur thing done :)
since u said that u born with a good brain den why not jus use ur thinking on some other thing
instead of thinking how to plot other and get other into trouble . not gonna said so much about those haters that look down on ppl :P
Whatever it ish , Am sure that one day i will surpass you :) get it ? SURPASS MY HATERS :D
AND THIS ISH WHAT AM GONNA FOCUS NOW :) hmm nth le bah nite hope that i can get to slp now .... haiz
From : Ethan Chan
Work hard Work hard
Work Hard for my future
Jia You Jia You Ethan Chan :)
■.PersonalThought
...Friday, August 27, 2010
Hmm been busying with lots of thing like , frenz bday , my own stuff , meeting up with frenz , trying to entertain everyone around me , but what makes me happy was to see them laugh and their smile on their faces , hence but for me ? i don wish to stay unhappy , who wan right , but i jus cant seems to be controlling all my emotion , when times comes i will eventually wear on a mask
to face ppl . it not those evil mask yea :) it those happy mask but i aint happy at all ... sometime i
did question myself why am i facing so much thing and i still can smile ? why not jus show out all
my emotion , Laugh when am Happy , Smile when i feel Delighted , Cry when i feel Sad , Frown when i feel Devastated or Vex , but i still cant find the ans yet but i keep telling myself , i can do it no matter what happen , there sure a way to solve it hmm that why am being so optimistic putting a smile all along my life ,We question love because we did not find it. We question the meaning of dreams when they dont turn out the way we expected. The problem with dreams and ideals is that they prolong our pain and disappointment, making us wonder was it wrong to think that way in the very first place, or when can these dreams come alive.
We need to learn to believe that although some things have not been found does not mean that they don't exist. Perhaps we just did not open our eyes wide enough to realise what is around us. Love, dreams and ideals they're all around us. Life doesnt give us the most perfect answers and most times our hopes and disappointments taint our view of the world - but we should not be unfair to ourselves and to others. And those who hold on steadfast will find their way out of all the darkness that surrounds them.
Like the quote above which is directly translated from chinese, the show actually inspired me alot. It tells us that although things may not be the way we want it to be, we may be devastated over and over again and the rain in our hearts can be prolonged almost as if it's eternal but let's not forget that some day all of it will be washed away. All of this requires our faith and continued hope that there will be something meant for all of us.
But in order to do that, we need to let go of the rainy season. We need to come out of it in order to let go in order to receive. Some day all of this pain will go away.
ALRIGHT ENOUGH OF ALL MY EMO THING .
Hmm so where shall i start ok yesterday it Amanda Gan Ye Shan my 14 years best frenz finally she turns 20 haha old one more year luh so i hereby wishing u another HAPPY BIRTHDAY YEA MY BESTIES !!! yesterday was quite a fun and hectic day didn really get enough of sleep and went to work , after work rush home to change and go bugis meet up with lim , howard , lay hong , ah ting , my sis , ah wen , vivian . we went for steamboat at chong qin , we ate quite alot of food we like eating lots of junks luh haha den after the dinner , i went to maxwell to meet up with amanda they all as she celebrating her birthday in club mah reach there i already see that she been surrounded by her best frenz and present luh , after wishing her happy birthday i sat at other day , watching how happy she ish , I can see that she really enjoy and everyone over there really brighten up her day , i was super envy luh noe :) all my frenz around me are like having ppl to celebrate with them present all around hmm like example : Family , Friends , GF/BF etc etc . but me ? haha nvm forget it :) am alway happy go lucky :D maybe am jus born to envy ppl and cant have the thing i want hahas am not trying to act pathetic down here and don need anyone sympathy at all . cause it jus some of my PERSONAL THOUGHT that all :D
hmm i really donnoe what to said liao le luh i tink i had enough of writing liao hahas :D
Thinks that am going to stop here le luh :D
This all thing ish what am been thinking of everytime haha silly me right ? haha i noe :)
From : Ethan Chan
Just Some Personal Thought
Seriously No Offence :D
Cheers Earthling ...<3>
■.Give Me Wing & Let Me Fly
...Thursday, August 26, 2010
Every night as I lay in my bed, I hate to admit but I take a short escape. When my eyes close, my heart opens. In the quiet moments that I lay still, memories replay themselves. I watch the scenes go by, the people that've come and gone, the places that have be populated and left deserted. I always wonder to myself, is life as fleeting as a dream? How to we make permanent the things that seem to float by?
I tried all my life to capture my dreams. I felt like a fisherman dipping a huge net into the vast ocean and giving a huge sweep. It takes too much effort, we cant fight fate. The net can only hold so much, and so much else will get away. I'm a dreamer and in my own quiet times, I am guilty of letting things pass me by, just thinking passively that dreams are meant to be imagined. I've lost out on putting up a good fight for the things I really want in life, I sink back in my chair rather than take a step forward. In these same ways, I have been very unfair to myself, believing that good things happen to those who wait. This inertia gives me reason to be defeated. I seem happy to be losing.
As I grew older, I became more and more tired. Tired to put a positive spin to a sob story, tired to smile on the days I know are sour. There is no need for falsities and let's not pretend everyday is full of yellow sunbeams. If they're black, they're black. I often think about my dreams however, and I've always wondered how they could retain such perfection, such idealistic flavour that it makes me desire and long to be nowhere but closer to my imagined perfection. The tiredness that is in my soul feeds the energy and the search for that one beautiful thing - i don't even really know what it is anymore. But vaguely i know it does exist; it is almost an essence found in love, life and our dreams.
We search endlessly without knowing what it really is. Take me somewhere so that I can fly again
From : Ethan Chan
Every Moment With Black & White
I Will Fill It With Colours Again :)
■.useless ethan
...Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Hmm jus now talk to my frenz i feel that am so useless luh frenz got their cert and manage to get into flight steward and guess what out of 1000 only 50 person will get the job and he manage to get the job and am super envy him luh den he ask me to join him as a AIR STEWARD and i ask him what their requirment and he said O level ish like wth can haiz den i told him that i only got N level cert and he said also can ask me to go try tiger air or jet asia den he still encourage me to go take up that challenge cause the pay ish high . can u expect that when u jus got in and become a air steward ur salary ish as high as 7k can can u guys imagine that ? hmm i wanted to try but am scare and lack of confident .... hmm
still wondering what kind of salary i be taking when am ORD luh i wish to get a pay higher den last time and obviously higher den NS pay but it really hard luh sooo many competitors like how to get in also donnoe can :(
Now my only motivation i also scare will be gone soon luh , i wanna to study hard and work hard but it seems like a impossible job for me luh haiz i noe that nothing ish impossible but still i will keep trying bah if fated only can work a job that ish giving me a 2k salary i also jus take it as fated and jus accept it :D better then no job luh hmm am gonna make sure from now on in my life am not gonna to make any more mistake . strike for my future that i wanted . i know i can do it if i work hard so am not gonna to lazz around buck up for now .... aint no regret whenever road am ended in :D jia you ethan chan jun xi :D
first am gonna try to go for the interview at airport :D
when i going to near ORD
AIR STEWARD , if not jiu OFFICE JOB :D
From : Ethan Chan
have to work hard
for my everything
jus to lead a life without
any major worry :D Jia You !!!
■.tired of drama
...Saturday, July 17, 2010
Hmm am back to blog again , hmm where to start ? alright i should make it short den hmm
this whole week am damn restless luh also donnoe what happen ... wanna to update my blog also lazy to update ... hmm this whole week had happen quite alot of thing for me and it quite some happening week bah hmm i laugh like no body business , i did drop my tear again , thx for the memories that came back again , i have tried to to cut down on my diet hahas , and lots of thing
Alright one thing that make me cant really forget the past ish because whenever i tot i have already forget that person already but that day that person appear infront of me again , hmm but i told myself am not a weakling come on i can overcome it ... XD guess what ? I MANAGE TO DID IT !!! am feeling so proud of myself cause i can get it over but bad thing ish .... thing really have to end up like this jus to end everything ... i been thru hard time a really hard time till now ... hmm even though am blogging now my tear are around my eye i have to control it i cant drop anymore tear for anything not anymore ... I noe that it not good when i have to bear everything on myself , alot of ppl saying that am jus torturing myself but frankly speaking NO !!!! am not cause i donnoe who to face to even i found someone to talk to i donnoe how to start and i don even like ppl to sympathy me that all so i rather keep everything to myself .
There are once , someone had told me this , don worry no matter what happen u need me i alway be there to be ur listening ear share ur every sadness happiness together , but did that person did it ? haas the ans ish Big Fat NO !!! everytime i did try to call that person but in the end being hang up on the phone , i had enough of all this nonsense luh , what i wish for ish to be like normal ppl whenever they are sad ppl will be there for them ... i had put on a fake smile for ages no one had realise it , i admit i do envy , i do jealous , i do wish for thing like that but perharp this fate bah :) hmm i learn to tink positive and everything luh ...
Once again , i had to thank them for leaving footstep in my life , and walk away without giving any warning ... and let me be alone down the lonely street in the cold weather ... let me learn how to fight alone in the lonely war , thanks for everything i will forgive everything but never will i forget you !!! you noe that who am i referring to . i tink am not talking much about all this thing le bah cause whenever i recall back this thing i jus feel like crying out ... hmm kkae bah should stop here am not talking much bah ...
LABEL : I MIGHT SEEMS TO BE STRONG BUT DEEP INSIDE ME AM NOT ,
I HAVE MY OWN SORROW TIME WHO NOES ? HMM GUESS NO ONE DID
I LIVE FOR MYSELF NOT FOR OTHER , THANK FOR LETTING ME
BECOMING SO INDEPENDENT AND STRONG THANKS FOR EVERYTHING
From : Ethan Chan
i might be strong outside
but actually am not life
alway full of sadness and happiness
jus live for wat u are and u will see the
sky turn blue and flower scent everywhere
and there alway be a fine rainbow above us :)
■.am wear out , batt left in me 30%
...Saturday, June 12, 2010
Yesterday was a fun nite with jojo they all and we were enjoying ourself hmm ...
but due to to my mood was so down i have no choice but to put on a mask to
get high and join in the fun .
alright am not gonna make it draggy anymore ...
make it straight to the point which i wanted to speak .
Am moving out soon , real soon ... staying alone ... i donnoe what to do
yah though i have been independent since 13 year old i thought that
i can adapt to the life of independent , yea indeed i have make it but
i fail to one thing that ish staying alone on other flat ...
we left we no choice , but to move out and stay on our own ...
have already been seperate from dad and become a broken family
and left we the 4 of us Me , Mum , and my two sis ... and i have been
trying my beri hard to hold on to this family but what the point of me
and my mum holding on where the rest of them don give a damn
and jus hack care . Expect their life to be some Luxury life . and in the
end suffer ish me and my mum ... am holding a freaking 420 pay not
4200 pay !!! get this right after paying my bill i left not much to help
and GREAT ! now we have to stay our own move out and stay in a room
with no KINS , no FRIEND , and staying with STRANGERS ... really thanks
you guys alot for making the situation becoming like that . I have give up
am exhausted super tired of explaining everything , rushing u guys to do this
and that , am tired of putting mask whenever am out of the house ...
the mask of fake smile where i don actually have to show out but i have
no choice ... but i have been telling myself that no matter what i still have to be
strong ... that the spirit that falls in me , i do cry but no infront of friends so am
not actually that strong cause afterall am still human , am not a robot ...
hence , when can all this bad luck stop falling on me , i cant take it anymore luh
currently am still rushing to find work and room jus to support for myself ...
Haiz what to do ? even though it really hearts break to see this and am really super
down but i still have to move on cause life still goes on ... every obstacles make me
grow stronger but i don really know i can hold on till when ... i tink let jus let the natural
take its own course bah ... i don wanna predict and don even dare to tink about anything
am scare to face the fact perharps :(
ARGHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~ i need a break , i need a long rest , a long long rest so that
i can don need to think so much ... I noe what i said ish all rubbish cause how can i probably
take long rest where thing already reaching the verge ... sadistic right haiz but i still believe
that am gonna make thru this obstacles ... TRUST ME ! TRUST ETHAN ! everything gonna turns out to be fine one day :) jia you bah
WORK HARDER ETHAN CHAN !!!
From : Ethan Chan
I hope i can close my eye
forever so that i don need
to wake up and face the scary
reality haiz .... am gonna out of
breath one day jus one fine day ...
Hope that thing will turns well soon :(
■.being philosphere
Am back to blog again . first am gonna said that am in a super unlucky state recently .
First 11B lost
Second : Passport Lost ...
haiz i donnoe what going to be next luh ... now am suddenly becoming a illegal immigrant luh wtf have to get my passport and 11B done real soon ... sian max luh haiz and one more thing ish that i stalk back ur profile again :( i promise myself to forget u ENTIRELY but i cant donnoe ish u left me a deep impression or i jus merely cant remove u from my life but for now ish not the same will be the last time i stalk u cause i ban u from my every profile hope this time works am not gonna said much le jus to said first of all i gonna said that all this unluckyness faster gone ... secondly i can successfully done with all my thing luh ... argh ....
Gonna post something philosophy stuff jus some random stuff
After all this while i have learn alot of thing should i put it in a good or a bad way ?
hmm Never take people for granted , hold every person close to your heart .
because you might one day wake up and realise that u have lost a diamond
while u were too busy collecting stone , everyone do come and goes in our life journey
what are we holding onto ? Some already know the ans , some are still findind the answer
i donnoe whether i put it in this way ish a correct way but still i tink i have found my answer
My answer for living well and hanging onto ish to find the right one jus for me to spend my
life with ... *i donnoe i have found it not but be it have or not i still have to be grateful to what i have* crave out my own career or stuck to a job that holds a good income living in a paradise or my own i know this might be some hard work or some impossible thing for me to do but no matter what it takes , i will give it a try .... being mean and straight foward ish my style i don mean it ... but sometime i jus have to do it ... cause only like this am not easily beaten up by other
i don really give a damn to ppl who giving me bad comment and saying stuff that ish totally it jus their make up stories ...
Am still hiding in a world where there ish only me , THE LONELY SOUL ... the soul that will be trap like forever ... no light ahead him and every corner feels with cold air ... because of rumor and i become like this sitiuation ... thx to all haters ... but haters i jus wanna to advise you ppl this thing that ish :
Remember This Haters : saying stuff that it not real and making urself feel damn happy , i can tell you that i feel kinda pathetic for you , cause thing will alway reflect to urself one day and don forget whatever u are doing theres something watching at you ... Mind Your Own Business den inteferring other ppl problems ... believe in karma den good for you but if u don den am sorry :D prepare to take ur retribution bah :) hmm nothing much le shall update next time :D
time for lunch with someone special :D takeaire
From : Ethan Chan
The World which left with
a Lonely Soul .... Peace :)
■.sadness fill the joyful world ?
...Thursday, June 3, 2010
可以吗让我和你对调
希望换成你爱我爱得快要疯掉
知道吗你对我多重要
只是现在的我们并不适合拥抱
爱随着风飘荡飘过了你嘴角
飘到天涯海角
把我困在这城堡哪里也逃不了
我不要别人温柔的怀抱
听不见你的心跳
连我熟悉的味道再也闻不到
我只要你喊我一次就好
从前亲昵的暗号
多想再次亲耳听到
让我暂时的依靠
那是短暂止痛药很快会失效
你只要再哄我一次就好
让我可以很骄傲
记住我拥有过的好
记住在你怀里微笑
From : Ethan Chan
everything sooner or later will
become sorror movie but i will still
alway rem the smile u left for me ...
■.thing have change
...Saturday, May 29, 2010
it been quite sometime i blog at here le , hmm let me said some of the thing that have become reality ... recently am down with fever , flu and cough have been resting at home for a period of time don even have the strength to update my blog , alright gonna stop all the crap and move on to the main point i wanna to let out .
Everyone seems to be changing , i donnoe for what reason .
thing around me ?
people around me ?
last but not least the reality that falls on me .
uses to be a kind of happy go lucky person but now ?
The art that use to be so firm have eventually change ,
The old art have started to faded into the most precious memories
I have already expected it so i don tink i will live with regret and so on
i decided to move on even the reality turns out to be worst Etc .
i won hold back anything jus to satisfied anyone .
i donnoe when this all thing start to change but i noe it happen for
a reason ... i won't ask much as i also don wish to know anything .
i will act as if i donnoe what going on and what happening ...
am not hiding from the reality or not being bold enough to
face the fact ... am jus pretending that everything ish ok
where i know it not and it gonna to happen real bad in sometime .
this ish destiny it fate where everyone cant run away ...
sometime i asked myself did i do something wrong again ?
but my mind and heart was telling me ,
No u are not ... but i alway feel that am in the wrong
but for now whenever i don feel in the wrong i won feel any guilty
at all cause i know that i don owe anyone anything ...
So even if they tends to leave , i won hold back or shed any tear .
Wanna said me change ? den look urself at the mirror first or go
reflex how u treat me bah . :D Am not referring to anyone but jus
to voice out only if someone try to comment me or talk bad abt me .
Am not trying to be cocky or what but am jus stating the fact .
so yea am not gonna to talk much anymore le jus let the natrual take
it own course bah ...
From : Ethan Chan
Am not myself anymore ?
i cant find the answer ...
■.a random post
hmm a beri random post that am gonna to post today :)
hmm suddenly memory past back it regrading abt family ,
today saw a family was eating in the coffee shop and remind me
how i use to sit down with my family and eat , with my biological dad , ,mum , and two sis
including me . hence sad to said that it all over ever since two years back ... sometime
am really envy those people but i cant said much jus can only see and feel happy for them .
whenever seen this kind of situation am alway smile with my heart breaking .
i have tried to save the house but in the end i fail , i don blame myself for failing this task
cause it a human being rights , i promise not to curse and swear about this thing cause it do
me no good . haiz can i said it a bad thing or a good thing ? ever since my family have never
been good but i don mind cause i have a proper family :) but till now ? everything ish over
i really do hate my dad for throwing us behind and leave us jus like that , but till now i have forget everything noe why ? cause i have my mum love that enough :D hmm though am
smiling with the greatest might i can but deep inside my heart was totally break into
pieces ... i accpet the fact and i admit i lose to fate , fate took away my family , my relationship
and got me into today de me ... i donnoe i have to thank you or not , cause in the first place u take away my family and let me learn how to independent , trust only myself and live with my own
and now i can proudly said that am strong enough to defeat u am not gonna to bow my head to fate anymore . now what i can do was to use my strenght to pull back the bond of my sis and mum . my decision ish to let myself to be strong and though am feeling really down but i will learn to climb up again from my fall , i have seen thru everything le am open with this thing called LIFE ... i seen more den other ppl do , i learn how to survive on my own , i learn how to stay strong infront of everyone , i learn how to bear with those small thing or stupid thing that come against me i learn to overcome every Obstacles , i can said that am stronger den anyone else i don need a listening ear anymore , i don need ppl to cares for me maybe this ish what i become after being thru a deep hurt , ish this me ? perharps bah .
ETHAN CHAN JUN XI YOU HAVE CHANGE TO OTHER PERSON
STAY STRONG FOREVER AND NO MATTER WHAT COMES IN
YOUR WAY , JUST FUCK IT AND MOVE ON TO YOUR LIFE !!!
CAUSE LIFE LEAVE NO MERCY TO ANYONE .
From : Ethan Chan
from the day a brand new Ethan
was born out to fight for his own right
future jia you don give up easily !!!
■.MONEY MONEY MONEY
hmm recently jus change my phone to X10 Xperia hmm it look super duper cool can hmm i like the application inside and lot of thing to experience luh am loving this phone alot alot hahas am beri sure that am not gonna to anyhow leave it luh hahas hmm there alot of thing keep pop in my head the first thing ish my bday thing hmm i wish that it can be successfully done but guess that am wrong le now i have to drop this idea due to something crop up and have to super duper save money hmm cause it over the badget hmm so there ish only one thing to do and that ish freaking drop the idea and never think of it anymore , though it kinda sad but what to do ? haha face the fact ETHAN CHAN !!! hmm and now there ish only one thing for me to do ish to work + work + work that all no other thing no more like shopping , and stuff hmm even now i have work with high pay i will never think it enough for me , cause i still have lots to support hmm a simple minded guy handling so much thing by himself and yet he still can manage to put a smile on his face and never show other ppl his weak point that ish Ethan Chan this ish me ! hmm though am super tired already but what to do life still goes on .
in my philosophy life , there ish alot of thing happen ,
people do come and go , frenz walked into ur life and dissapear
at the next moment , family ? having a great strauggle ! No bond ?
i don dare to said , relationship wise will alway never be good for me .
everything keep going againist me i did told my sir abit about my thing ,
and he told me this ish life this ish the stage that am start to grow up to
become a man , i was like if it like this am i counted as a man since 13 ?
have been moulding myself to be independent , and yet i manage to moulded myself
i have lots of question lots and bundle of question but jus that u donnoe who to ask
no one can truely give me an answer , some frenz treat u well when u have money or
u are someone who have power ish this call frenz ? or jus making u as sparetyre ?
i donnoe , have been finding the ans that have pop in my mind for beri long time .
but till now i cant get the answer but den i still can proudly said that i seen thru alot
of thing alot alot of thing den you guys and for ppl who have readed my blog ... i have lots
thing to said but i don dare to stated it down here i jus stated everything in my private blog
Why ? why am i doing all this ? ans beri simple that ish i don wish to let anyone sympathy me
u guys can tell me that u guys are not sympathy nor pity me but still ? i won spilt anything out
as i can handle myself and my own thing i don need a LISTENING EAR :D cause every thing i said might burst out into tear i can said not only me , u guys might burst out into tear when u guys heard about the story of my life , but so sorry am not gonna to leak out anything so u guys can rest assure hmm am a Optismistic person i noe what am doing even if i done or walk a wrong path am still doing all this thing for the sake of myself
u can said that am sound beri deprived but still have to said NO am not .
i wanted to cry and shout out loud but i cant ! noe why ? cause this ish a freaking singapore that have no open space for ppl to let out themself
for me good : 20% Bad : 80% seriously when can i really get over this all thing ?
someone told me after army i get to work my own thing i might can survive on my own .
but haiz nevermind forget let jus sit and wait till i get my army done .
my feeling now ish like closing my eye and forever rest in one special bed and never wake up
but NO i cant cause i cant leave my MUM behind , there one time i have attempt to kill myself by over dose medication but in the end i throw everything away cause the moment i wanted to take up i think of my family , though both of my sis never speak up but i noe they seriously need me especially my mum , so i will never ever leave them behind i will work hard for it :D
hah ! droping my tear when blogging this post i guess that am not gonna said much le bah cause it hinting me not to drop any single tear anymore , last but not least am super tired but yet i can get to slp , am exhausted , shag and stress ! but i still have to hold on ... there only one thing that can buck me up only one word JIA YOU ETHAN CHAN JUN XI U ARE NOT A WEAKLING !
From : Ethan Chan
Philosophy tough and struggle Life
JIA YOU CHAN JUN XI U WILL SUCCESS ONE DAY !
■.good sign or bad sign
hmm donnoe wanna to blog as what today as my mind was totally blank after reading ur some note
i believe there ish something bothering u that why u make this choice . i did not done anything wrong this time i can said but if u still insist on choosing this path den ok i don wanna said much
bearing the pain to let a person go maybe thing will come out in a different stories but jus don regret with the choice u are doing :)
for the pass few day my mind was jus popping up those question that makes me so curious and envy luh my frenz have got into a relationship recently and they both seems to be beri sweet , maybe it jus the outlook instead of the inner look bah but still envy them lots am jus wondering when i can really found a relationship that can don give ANTI PROMISES to the other partner though that person have accomplish some of the promise but still it a anti promise u gave if u did not fulfill one of them cause u are jus leaving the other partner of urs a HURTS . till now am feeling so down but am jus putting on my fake mask again , u said that before that u are not gonna to leave me but in the end ? hmm guess that after all it was jus a lies , hmm i won drop a
single tear for u anymore not because i don treasure any feeling with u but am jus trying to tink positive as am a grown up person i noe that even that in my life u are gone , life still goes on so i won even mad at u . all i can do ish to said thx for loving me that deeply once i try to be stonger everyday even though am a weakling deep inside me but am still won let other to look at my weak point . i hide every sorrow behind my smile and laughter so that no one can truely see true me . saying that am a self fish person ? go ahead am not gonna to mad at what other ppl said but well said what u wan den ... am not give u guys any damn :)
Amanda (one of my besties) she did told me once , "Nel , pls lah don ever put ur whole heart onto someone where it ended up ish YOU are the one who gets those shit and hurt etc alway rem this hongster never die ! tiong xim first to die ! (flirt ppl never get hurt but faithful ppl will hurt deeply)" but i alway told her but ethan still alive , but till now i have to accept the reality and admit that ethan has die . haiz i donnoe what to said , listening to song , tinking back the arguement we had , the fun time we had , the stubborness of me toward u , the worries that u had for me , u are the one giving on to me , the courage u gave to me , i do appreciate alot . if u decide to leave forever , nevermind u can go i won hold on to u i will jus bear the hurt move on and won look back ... last but not least really thx u for the past and loving that u shown me , i will not forget all this thing , guess that when the time u leave me it time to move on to the other stage of my life a truely grown up stage hmm . goodbye past welcome future :D
From : Ethan Chan
Come On Ethan wake up to the reality !!!
■.haiz thing change
...Thursday, April 29, 2010
hmm tinking of what to blog about , recently quite busy with my own thing so have no idea to blog abt ...
ok bah let talk about this thing , yesterday went down to play with amanda and their frenz we manage to get in the club but amanda was being bounch out because she lend frenz IC and was being ban for one day , (erm maybe it half day) LOL . me and alvin was tinking of a way to pull amanda and sam in by opening a bottle down there in the end guess what ? that fucking door bitch don let mean don let mah super duper angry knn (FUCK THAT DOOR BITCH ) she was freaking ignorance can ! hmm den after that nevermind i join april they all at there dance and drink after that went home as too tired le , along the road to home i have been tinking alot of thing , haiz yesterday ish the second time i saw him walk pass me after so long luh , and i was like =.=" and my memories start to flash back , haiz i do really miss that person but yet ..... haiz don wish to stated out cause i don wanna this feeling keep on bugging me am enough of it le luh wanted to get rid fast but cant ... Last but not least , i have told u already , but u jus don believe me and see now problem have come out le , not that we suspect u or wat , cause it too obvious le and we did not said u betray us but what make u tink so ? unless u did something that feel sorry to us that why u will tink that wat but i do really hope that u become like last time and not now but if u insist on becoming like now and don wan change i won force u :) cause it ur choice anyway ... hmm try ask me out and find me talk bah maybe can resolve everything ... and hello XIAO JIE , when are u going with me to club uh ? i tot u said wan go ? guess that u also won be going le bah cause tink that u are happy right now ok den so be it bah :) buai and takeaire everyone :D
From : Ethan Chan
Label : Why ? Why ? Why am i still tinking about the past ?
haiz seriously i don like this feeling .
Feeling like tearing up now but i have to stay strong still hmm
cheer up Ethan Chan u can do it :D jia you !!!
■.what feeling in me ?
...Thursday, April 15, 2010
well am back to blog again , it been a long long time i have not been posting any blog .
alright what am going to share ish i been having nightmare that am not gonna to reveal it out
to said what it ish but am jus feeling super duper scare , whenever i close my eyes the picture of the nightmare came to my image and i don even noe how to erase this dream , am not trying to rem those unhappy thing etc but it jus that it keeps on hunting me down and making me feel so insecure but i cant tell anyone abt it cause i donnoe how to put it in , as in i also don like to being sympathy by other ... that why am behaving in a happy go lucky manner ... i don drop tear infront of them but still i also need a shoulder to relies on ... who would be there for me ? i donnoe . guess that am jus being stubborn and not to let anyone noes how i feel and that all , i have one big regret in my life , that why am still holding on to my stubborness and by not telling other how i feel cause i don wish to repeat the same mistake that i trust the wrong person . am not saying that frenz around me i cant trust ... they can trust but i jus don wish anyone to noe how i feel that all . call me self fish or whatever thing bah am not gonna to get piss with what u people comment on me because beside that i only can trust myself excluding my mum , i really wish to cry out loud and throw those unhappy memories into the deep blue sea but somehow i jus cant get thru it ...
i been looking up the sky and thinks back all the unhappy/happy past that i have ,
tear slowly runs down my cheeks , heart become more and more sour .
i try not to drop any single tear since the day where thing happen to be so unlucky for me ...
in my mind i have been thru mountain and sea jus to find back the smile that i uses to have
but till now deep in my heart am still in a lost ... who can unlock my heart , and open the door that have been locked for years and wake me up in from the reality ? i donnoe and i dare not to think ... i don dare to even go find ...
but i know that gods alway be there for me . blame it on myself to throw the key into the deep blue sea and hope no ones find it but i do that i have my own reason ...
am not trying to make myself into miserable mood instead am trying my beri best to gain back
all the smile that appear in my face before ... people around me have seem to be changing alot and i noe i should accept the fact by doing my own job well and not to be so pathetic by making myself so unglam infront of everyone , i hope peoples around me are happy and laughter in their faces and not sad faces ... yeap !!! i do agree i done my part . so i won be blaming other etc ...
what i wish now ish everything goes smoothly and my lucky , smiles come back to me .
and last but not least
TO THOSE POLITICALLY NAIVE PERSON , PLS FUCK OFF IF YOU DONNOE ME WELL !
WELL , AM NOT A DUMB ASS BUT AM A SILENT KILLER
TREAT ME NICE I TREAT U BACK NICE ,
TREAT ME BAD I SIMPLY TREAT YOU BACK WHAT YOU DONE TO ME x2
AN EYE FOR AN EYE , I DON WISH TO DO THAT BUT DON FORCE ME .
RESPECT ME I WILL JOLLYWELL RESPECT YOU
AND IF U DON AND I WILL EVENTUALLY TREAT YOU LIKE A PIECES OF SHIT ! :D
GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE AND INCLUDING ME , MUM , XIAO MEI , DA JIE , UNCLE :D
From : Ethan Chan
philosophere Ethan<3>
■.thing that never regret
...Thursday, March 11, 2010
hmm today was kinda boring luh ... cause went back straight after work and stay at home all the way ... hmm sian , actually was tot of going to clubbing de but den in the end ...never go due to some crop up ... let don talk abt this le bah hmm call receive call from kes and i call back and ask them where are they den they said they are studing and ask me to come , as nothing to do at home den i headed to whampo find kes they all luh hmm currently now they are studying and am blogging LOL cool right haas ... hmm so let wish philp and kes all the best for their exam bah good luck XD
alright gonna blog about other thing le
guess that u guys been hearing stuff like jack neo have a scandal so and so yea
so let jus talk abt his topic bah ...
although recently found out that jack neo outside having some affair and it like
no big deal can donnoe why recently this thing happen and ppl start to said him
stuff and so on but on the other hand do u guys noe that no one ish perfect at all ?
why cant others give him chance to amend his fault ? hmm seriously donnoe wat going
on with singaporean mind set . Tsk i admit that am singaporean too but i don have that tinking at all but den everyone was saying that singapore ish a peaceful place to live in but why all this nonsense have to come out by ppl mouth hmm ... i believe that everyone have a second chance so let not be some protest like wat other country do ... don because of wat ppl have make one mistake and everyone start to pin point him/her or start gossiping abt him etc etc
and i jus realise that ppl like to make a big fuss when some big stars make some mistake .
ish it that they are jealous abt their famous ? or ish it they jus tink that they are 100 percent perfect that they don do mistake ? pls human being tend to make mistake so i don tink it a freaking big deal for u those ppl to make such a big fuss ... especially those REPORTER !!! i tink i do make sense abt this topic so i don tink am in the wrong for posting this up so yap
People try to give in and be abit more forgiveness to other and i believe that will do some good kin for u but for those
GOSSIPER who give bad comment on those big stars who make such a mistake den i tink that u guys life has nothing better to do so jus get an life instead of saying other ppl bad point :)
One last thing that ish JACK NEO ZHI QIANG it abit disappointing that u done such stuff but if u are sincere to amend i bet that u will be some pop stars again and no matter wat happen i still will support ur show and support u yea don give up life or anything else so easy ...
buck up yea jia you XD
From : Ethan Chan
jack neo it not the end yet
look forward and forget the past bah :D
■.VEX VEX VEX
...Wednesday, March 3, 2010
am feeling super duper stress now luh donnoe why recently ppl are keep on suspecting his/her own gf/bf seriously wat the fuck can ... when i tend to tell the truth u guys jus freaking don believe and den when i starting to lie abit and u guys can freaking go believe it frankly speaking wtf ish going on with ur head or mind ? am feeling super duper tired liao leh i don wanna this stress keep on upcoming to my freaking head and makes me need to tink this and tink that ... u guys noe better wat am i and hows my character i don need u guys to freaking teach me how to do and so on i noe wat am doing and so wat i did make a mistake before ? it doesn't mean that i be freaking condem by u ppl forever right ! am starting to get piss with wat ur mind tinking abt and so on cause watever i did not do anything and u guys will be saying that wat ? i flirt , i go out with other ppl having sex with other ? everyone do have a past i believe and one more thing ish am not a perfect person ! if u wanna find a perfect person that won lie that alway freaking follow u have look and so on den be my guest and go find urself i do admit that am not really a perfect person but so wat if u tink am not a perfect person den in the first place why u freaking wanna be with me den ? FUCK !
pls lah i have enough stress and i don wanna add on any problem more into my stress liao luh i cant forget my past and whenever reach till late nite where am alone i will start to tink abt those unhappy thing . why ? cause it meant alot to me that why i cant forget , u guys tink i don wanna to forget those unhappy past ? haiz i seriuosly have nth to said . why am complaining down here instead of face to face talk ? cause i don wanna freaking cause a fight with u that why i keep in my freaking heart and complaining down here . i really wish i could find one place and freaking shout out loud and cry out loud jus because of my stress ish adding on . i don really noe wat to do next all i can do ish freaking walk one step count one step ... i don need any single psycology help from u guys at all cause i can heal myself u guys can said am crazy ! YAH SO WAT IF AM REALLY CRAZY ? it doesn matter to u guys cause u guys makes me to become and behave this way ... from now on i gonna be hard hearted, cold hearted and SURPASS everyone and i make sure i make my future with a freaking light infront of me so that i can show u guys that wat am good at and u guys can simply look down on those freaking N level student ... i make sure am gonna be somebody one day . jus freaking wait and see !!!
From : ETHAN
i don give a freaking damn now
feeling like crying out loud haiz ...
■.FOR YOU BITCH
...Saturday, February 27, 2010
SPECIAL DEDICATED FOR U BITCH !!!
listen up bitch , don tink that u have score ur result well and u can simply jus saying other bad point out . wat abt u u ? jus shut up and out a dudor in ur freaking mouth or u can even take some guys dick to stuck in ur mouth jus to make sure u are shut mute ...
acting as a pro bitch ? fuck u den _l_
there one word to said u and i tink it match u quite well that ish
freaking arrogant bitch ! u tink u are pretty and comparing ur look toward other ?
WAH SEH bird talking sia *tweet tweet* bet that ur house no mirror right that why u cant
even see ur freaking "cinderella" face i mean as in other kind of cinderella like those
having freaking arrogant attitude , speak at ppl back , comparing the look toward other where
u don even have that look at all OMG CAN!!!
look am not trying to be a bitch down here but ish u are the one who make me piss off with ur attitude . wat u tell other ? saying that "UR FRENZ" hello wat ish that to do with ur frenz ?
u tink ur frenz ish better den her frenz ? if u tink that ur frenz ish really that good and u can showing off them infront of everyone den why not showing ur bf or frenz to goverment better right ? wake up ur freaking mind lah bitch don tink that ur backup ish big and u can jus talk without using ur 3 year old brain to tink lah hor ....
and one more thing get this right bitch if u tink that u are most pretty and u are well protected
gal in this world den i can said that u done a good job for that but too bad u're not !!!
There ish one more thing that u have to noe that ish there are still lots of ppl more pretty den u ! don tink that u are everything to other cause u are jus a frog in a well that never even fully seen the freaking world so jus don comparing urself toward other . Know why ? cause in the end u are jus making a big hilarious joke of urself ...
bet that u from sec one till sec 4 u have lots of joke history so i don tink u wan any other joke to
come out anymore right ? SO BETTER STOP ALL UR FREAKING UNNECESSERY NOUNSENE DEN !
having so much confident in urself by asking someone smarter den u to talk to u ?
i bet there not a need to waste the freaking time to talk to u den ...
if u tink that u are smarter den my brother den prove urself and stop gossiping abt other
if his a brainless chap den how abt u ?
ignorant bitch ?
arrogant bitch ?
self decieve bitch ?
or maybe jus a
DIABOLICAL P.L.K ?
maybe u should really get some life to do frankly speaking u are
jus getting on other ppl nerve .
am posting this all thing in my blog ish not going againist u
jus to let u wake up ur mind BITCH ... anyway no point talking to u
and saying much abt those unglam stuff abt u yea so
yap bitch take notes of all i write and started to tink wat u wanna do
next yea stop acting as a childish immature bitch u are old enough to tink
unless u have some speciality in ur brain or mindset lah den i have nothing to said ...
so yap this for u bitch
From : Ethan
to those pathetic bitch
■.The time had change
...Friday, December 23, 2011
Alright it been a long time ever since i blog so Currently am gonna said ish all about my work place , i had change to a new environment , new friends , new challenge ... and the company called
Helipad . kinda love this place not because it night life , but ish because the people there are friendly and loving . I knew some new friend that treat me quite good for example , Felicia , bernard , Lu , Tim this four person had never fail to put on a smile on my face no matter when am having emotional thoughts or angry . they are kinda sweet loving frenz love being around with them but well today ish Felicia last day of work everyone was trying to make her smile instead of letting her feel sad haha thinking back the moment it make me feel quite heart warming though , Seriously speaking though the management quite sucks to the extend that i nearly quit this job but have to thanks those people that alway trying their best to make me smile and not to be forgotten that ish Mandy and Sam too well getting to social around the work place really seems to be fun and time seems to pass quite fast ... But currently am still thinking of whether wanna leave this job or continue due to the pay wise damn less for me ...
The next one am gonna blog about ish my life ...
Well , i alway wanted to have a family gathering or dinner but the chances seems to be damn rare ... it been long time ever since i had stay home making , cooking , and eat Tang Yuan (Chinese Traditional Food) together with my family , am still yearning for this day to come but it seems to be never ever will it happen ... Everytime see my friend all post about how they celebrate with their family on special occasion seriously am really envy them to the max ... how i wish i can be like them too but i understand that every family had different life so i won be complaining that how bad my life was . Cause all the while i had to really thanks God that am born perfectly fine without any disfigure at all :) everyone had been telling me that F.A.M.I.L.Y stands for Father And Mother I Love You ... true that but for me i change the sentence to For Awesome Mother I Love You ! cause i had witness how my mum suffer for this whole family so i cant blame her for not able to give me a life like how my friends had . i have alway be grateful to my mum for whatever she do so yeah once again i would like to said Thanks mum ! thanks for everything u had done for me :) I LOVE YOU MUM !!!
Thirdly i wanna said ish about Me & Myself
Thing have been going really hush on me every year , new thing have been coming up for me , new challenge , new people and new enemy well i have nothing to said so i just had to suck thumb and use the most widest smile and face the world everyday ! :) cause no matter what happen on that day it will alway a relaxation at the night so all i can do was to hoping that time pass fast and i can go home and just rest ... To be frank i donnoe how long more can i endure with this kind of heaven will torture that falls on me , i have been strong for too long ! i need a shoulder to lean on and someone to hug me in the arms and tell me everything will be fine ... though i might not be opening my mouth had been keeping thing inside my hearts ish not because i wanna behave like this ish just that i need someone to understand me by themselves as i don have the used of telling other how i feel and so on ... but this had been a real hard stage for people who wanna get close to me and noe what am i thinking ... Seriously am a person who don really talk much about myself , but after all am a human too thing that u don like to do den don do it on me , i will get piss off easily ... don't ever said that i don wanna share my problem then ended up i just drink my life away ... u are not me so u cant judge me just like that ! :) sometime i just feel that am just feeling too hectic that i actually go to the extend of giving up . but i have to keep myself having optimistic thinking , haiz well life still goes on anyway ... what i can said ish wait till the day i give up that means it had already over my limit so one day i change to someone that my friend also don't know ? don't blame me :) i had my own reason to do that ... alright it getting late now gonna get to sleep cause later on still got to work ... :( gonna blog next time when am free :) night blogger !!!
From : Ethan Chan
Cheers !!! life still goes on !
■.another day pass
...Saturday, November 19, 2011
well currently am just back from club and start to blog due to my mood was not in a good condition , am starting to write what am bothering about this few day , Oh i should said all this while ... alright here i go . :)
All this while i hope and i wish that things would turns out well for me but it seems that everything ish going against me ... suddenly being sack for no reason ... as due to some backstabber ... and i decided to stand up again and move to the other job but well thing isn't seems to goes well for me ... cause after being sack , bad thing have been coming and coming ...
quarreling with frenz , having relationship problem etc etc... i can said that this time really hits me damn hard , real hard ! that i nearly cant even handle it but well i still over come all this thing and move on to the next chapter of my life , well there alway this words going around ish that , friend comes and go , even best frenz ... what new's ? isn't it ? all this while i have been so loyal till tat everyone takes me for granted ... even in my relationship ... i cant even handle such a simple thing yet i still hope to get something big ... kinda loser isn't it ? everyone was despising me , criticizing me , and even detest me ... what can i do ? nth seriously !!! just because am not willing to be who they want me to be ... i just wanted to ask is it so hard to be myself ? am i born out to live with on the way u guys wan me to be ? joke seriously ! i have not been enjoying myself ever since i start to independent but what i get in the end ? nth ! just nothing ! all along i fight for so hard in the end still get nothing ... i just wan a basic respect from others is it so hard ? no i don think so ! cause i have respect u guys even u guys don respect me ! but u guys just like to take me for granted ! treat me like a fool ! but still ... i just let u guys play me out cause i believe if i can put a smile on u guys by taking me for granted or even to the extend of treating me as a fool ! it more den enough for me ! but i just wan u guys to know one thing that ish am a human too ! i have feeling ! don treat me as if am a robot ... now am living my own way by being myself and u guys said am being so despicable , going around flirt , willing to have sex with other without any complain , being so sluttish everywhere i go ! i really wanna ask u guys one thing ! do u guys ever put urself into my shoe ? nope :) did u guys ever walk pass what i had gone thru ? nope ! :) so i hope u guys just shut the fuck up thanks ! ish not that am changing ! ish just that i stop living in my past ... get it ? i also hope to do something big ! and willing to forgo my own pride ! FOR YOU GUYS INFO ! am not being cheap and i believe i don owe u guys any reason for what am i doing :) ! destroying my own health ? destroying my own reputation ? destroying my own pride ? or whatever u called that ish also my own FUCKING BUSINESS ! hope u guys can understand ! as least i do all this thing won hurt me as much as in relationship ... to be frank i really need a getaway ! for permanent seriously how i wish that i could just gone like that but i told myself every obstacle i face ish every step that am growing up ... no matte how tough it ish am still gonna bite my own teeth and move on ... like this few days am really down and i just hope that someone just anyone will do could just understand how i feel ! i felt hectic , felt restless , felt lonely , felt breathless , felt impulsive etc etc i don hate myself ! i just purely hate what ish happening around me ... i need a break really i wanna cry out , cry out real loud , nobody understand how i feel , tons of burden ish pressuring me , but still i manage to face everyday with smile ... well i should stop blogging cause my tears are dropping ... the heartache , the sour feeling , the agony feeling are rapidly filling my heart ... so to prevent this thing i should just head to sleep now ... will be cont next time :)
From : Ethan Chan
feeling damn low now :(
■.Hello
...Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Alright gonna update abit in my blog , it been so long ever since i update this >.<" hmm been really hectic for this few mth due to busying with my own stuff ... well as this few month i have learn what ish fon trust people so easily and stuff ... haiz not really in the mood to post anything right now . but well i be starting back my blog from now on so yeah whenever am no happy or whatever i will just post down here and one last thing hello blogger :D am back!!!
From : Ethan
signing off
peace out "V"
■.Just some random thought ...
...Wednesday, February 9, 2011
6 more day it gonna be valentine days ... it a day where every couple go out and celebrate their monsary and anniversary ... Toward me ? what ish valentine ? i donnoe ... Have never go thru valentine day before ... at first i find it beri Shameless , but now ? haas :) nothing at all only thing ish that i really envy those couple ... They argue , They Fight , They Cold War but no matter what they don sarcasm each other which hurts the other party and in the end they still talk to each other and being sweet to each an other hmm am not complaining that why my life ish Much more Different then them or maybe can call it "Special"
This ish how i feel and what i thought :
Being Single
they have lots of freedom ,
They can do whatever they wan but no
one to spend the pain with ,
they tends to eat alone , shop alone ,
sleep alone , Go home alone , no one to chat to every night before sleep
No Morning Msg or GoodNite Msg ... looking at sweet couple they only
can sit there and envy after that they got to tink Positive thing to make them happy
Being In relationship ,
They Fight , Argue , Having Doubts , Cold war , misunderstood each another
but they are as sweet as Honey after every raining period .
They envy Singles cause no ppl to control the freedom Etc Etc ....
and on valentine day , some laugh at those singles , some ask the singles
to join them go out ... they have no bad intention to hurt singles but to ask them join
in the fun in the end they donnoe that they had hurt singles without any their notice .
Singles appreciate it but in their heart they are hurt just that they don show out to others .
Being In Complicated Relationship
They Discreet , They scare of being expose in the public , they are in a special relationship that other ppl might detest it a lot , this ish the relationship that makes them headache cause whenever what u do ... they mind about ur past a lot .... even u told them the truth , they tend to said ok they believe u but in the end they don even give a fuck to what u said and they jus keep on having doubts on u , once they noe that u are at other place never meet them they will tends to dig out ur past and said sarcasm words that hurt u deeply and what u can do ish to keep it to urself and don let other noe how hurt u are ... u just bear the pain beecause u choose to be discreet in this relationship , u have no choice but to keep everything to urself ,
Other thing ish ur other party isn't being sweet to you at all not really care about you at all . All they noe ish they are in right whatever they do thing , even if they are wrong they tends to don said
sorry to you unless u demand for it .
They will tell u they treasure u a lot but Actual Fact ish they freaking take u for granted , just because they noe u need them in ur life so they can act like they noe everything but the fact ish they just scare of being correct etc etc so they tends to push it to other party and eventually it become ur fault . when u told them stuff they will tends to ignore u or just reply with sarcasm word , they don actually noe how u feel at all till u let out everything and they will just say " why u don tell me earlier and must wait till now " or " i just don want to sound out anything cause i want to see whether u will tell me onot if not
This kind of people deserve a one tight slap from the other party . it so obvious that u want them to care for u but in the end u are in the fault ...
That why i alway said , Wants to be a good man or Bad man ish indeed hard ... cause no matter what u will got blame by them ...
This ish Base on how i feel ...
There ish no People that i referring to ...
Congrats to those who already in relationship
and those who are not Fret not alright u will meet yours one day :D
Towards me ? i have or don have also same cause i have never Celebrate
Valentine for 21 years so i don mind though i really hope i can celebrate too :D
Cherish all ur partner now before they are gone alright
No matter u just got into relationship or not just treasure it before its too late :)
From : Ethan Chan
Cheers guys :)
■.Good bye 2010 :) welcome 2011
...Thursday, January 6, 2011
RECALL OF THE PAST
Hmm it a new year and came to think back about it , Another year jus pass as fast as lightning and i cant
imagine that am going to lead a 21 years old boy , oh no ish man , cause am already adult ... hmm
guess that more and more thing will be coming toward me ... another year have pass means that another
challenge has arrive ... when ish it ? i donnoe ... but not to worried as i believe i can overcome it why i said
so ? cause i guess that 2010 ish already a bad year for me and hopefully this year will be better and am up to
any of the challenge :D ... hmm 3 more mth ... jus 3 more mth and am out of this stupid NS ... ish like finally i can
really find a high pay job rather den taking a 400 plus Salary every mth ... hmm alright let my title ish recall the past right so let recall 2010 past ... and it will be the beri last time ...
2010 ish a year where a lot of thing have been happening to me ... such as :
BAD TIMES
being DOUBT by people
having MISUNDERSTANDING with frenz
Break FRIENDSHIP with someone i have totally put trust in .
lack of MONEY ( damn worse )
have some ARGUMENT family ...
argue with someone i HEART most ...
get CHEAT by people (such as MONEY ETC ETC)
do something which will make me feels DISGUSTING of myself
get HURT by people .
get BETRAY by some frenz
GOOD TIMES
I got what i wan such as :
My cam EOS 550D
MAC BOOK
SHIRT AND PANTS
GO OVERSEAS ...
HAVING GOOD TIMES WITH CLIQUES
All this thing ish i had for good time kinda sad right :) but no matte what i still face life with optimistic view
i agree that am having a life that totally different with other ... hmm but who cares right :D i love the way am leading my life and if u guys tink that am a player or what ? i can tell u guys :D u guys are totally wrong :) if u guys donnoe how i use my attitude to face life den jus kindly STFU thx :D so what leading a life that ish totally different from other ? including u guys ? so are u guys trying to said that u guys life ish better den me ? haha good job and congrat den :D for having a better life den me .... XD all this ish the past as i don wish to mention it too so yap :) a new year have arrive ? i shall forgive everything but never forget what had happen :)
To : Those haters ... Listen up bastard/bitches
If u guys wanna to make frenz with me jus to stand some gain from me , den all i can said ish Jolly well
fuck off in my 2011 life :D cause i will treat u guys in a beri different way ... Say all u wan den cause i don really give
a fucking damn on you haters :D if got anything ? confront me den :) i will ans u everything ... now i will ans u guys some of the question that u guys have been backstabbing me :D
Answer/Question
A : Please luh ! he handsome meh ? for what fuck did so many gals/boys falls for him !
Q : I did not said i good looking , so don assume anything bitches get thing clear before u say anything and
i sure have a way to treat the them nice and sweeter den u haters do :D i can give them whatever i wan if i wan to :D
so don jealous about it and get a life yea :D
A : I seriously hate him , don like his attitude at all ! he wear mask in his life times
Q : S.A.E (Simple&Easy) i did not ask u to like me either , and no one ask u to like my attitude :D
yap i agree i wear mask but only toward u haters :D
A : Please don fall for him ! his a playboy and gigolo !!!
Q : Why ? u scare they fall for me and i treat them real sweet and u BTH ? haha alright i understand
hmm yap so what my past it ish ? at least i got the figure to be one of them ? what about u ? please don speak till
like u are innocent pls ! MY FOOT !!! U AIN'T BETTER :D
A : OMG HIS A CHAI TAO !!! Just use his money only !
Q : FUCK U , since when my head grow leaf ? And i have learn how to see thru people :D
A : Oh please refrain urself by what u are doing ...
Q : Yes thx i will but i don tink that u noe how to :D
A : he only noe how to backstab ppl don make frenz with him jus leave him aside .
Q : Erm FYI i don backstab :) change something else better thx :D or are u jealous that me and that whoever ppl u are referring to relationship ish better den you ? haas Jokes
A : OMG now i den noe his a coward or whatever u call that !
Q : :) thx for the compliment that me for not finding and problem not because i coward or what :) wan try ?
bring it on man :D
A : I agree he ish a good looking guy but what for have a good looking face in the end having a cold heart ?
Q : Thx again for the compliment , i have a cold heart ? perhaps bah but there ish reason behind me :D u guys won wan to noe :D
That all for the ans cause i cant be remembering so many thing that u haters said :D
To : Those who hurt/cheated me before :)
Short and Simple : thx for hurting me once and jus because of what u guys did to me , i have
learn how to stay strong , u guys make me drop tears before and i sure i don have to mention
out all name cause u will noe who am i referring to :) it u guys who makes me become today me ...
i agree i did change a lot but it not a choice for me ... i force myself to do it so that i don have to repeat the
same mistake again ... and u guys are alway forever in my mind though u guys have hurt me before ...
but don get me wrong ... i have to said this first , if there ish one day u guys turns back wanna to be friend back
with me ? i will said thx :) i appreciated but sorry am scare of being hurt twice :) please leave me ASAP alone :D
i shall move on with my life since it another new year right :D that all for u guys a deep and faithfully thx to u guys :D
Hmm alright i have already done my 2010 recall the past note ....
now all i can do ish to move on in my life and no more procrastinate anything that coming in my way :D
all the best to Ethan Chan Jun Xi .... forget the past and move on with my life :D hopefully this year will be a better year for me :D May God Bless Me .... with all my might i will try to strike for what i want and i mean it :D
Last but not Least : i hope that in a new year we can like have our own house and hoping that my mum health will be healthier where everyday pass , wishing that my sister had a windfall including me :D money money come come so that we can really live in a world without THOSE people who look down on us :D and let my frenz all can past every year with smooth sailing ahead :D and hopefully what i wish for can come true :( i really pray for it ... hmmm alright that all for the post :D
From : Ethan Chan
It a new year and i believe everything
will be smooth one day :D jus be positive thinking
and every bad thing will eventually walk off ...
and one last thing FUCK OFF HATERS XD
■.I cry again
...Wednesday, November 10, 2010
今天的天气预报，我哭了，因为一些个人的事情...为什么其他人的生活往往会导致更好的然后我。我试着去争取我的未来，但我失败了，我不能是一个懦夫我要留强，使无论是什么在我的生活发生这里不会有一个回头。加油！Ethan , 我相信你能做到。携带争取你的生活，一切都会好转的罚款。今天的天气预报结束。
From : Ethan Chan
No Matter What Thing Will Turns Fine One Day .
■.another moody day
...Tuesday, November 9, 2010
haiz cant think of anything to write anymore so maybe jus here to update my blog and post nothing at here luh hmm ... kkae bah don feel like writing anymore
From: Ethan Chan
今天的天气预报,今天我感觉非常喜怒无常,
不知道发生了什么.今天的雨是超级大
我突然觉得很孤单了, 我发现我慢慢失去自己的方向
不知道我想要什么 :( .
我不知道什么时候才能真正站起来,说我超罚款。
JunXi今天的天气预报完成
■.Thing Will Alway Stay The Same .
...Thursday, October 28, 2010
It been so long that never been to blog and update . so now trying to find something to update
my feeling and thoughts are like blank for the past few day , mood swing suddenly came and i don even noe what ish it about hmm perhaps it because of the weather bah ... looking back at the photo that i thought it was all erase or delete but somehow i found some still leaving behind my old com happen to open my NoteBook and i found all pic ish inside ... Hmm i donnoe ish it i have become more stronger or becoming more and more heart less ... am sorry to said that but when i saw those pic we taken together those group photo and those night riding photo together i really hope that everything will stay the same but den ... So i have no choice but to delete all ur photo . Tear away all photo that been printed out ... haiz maybe this ish jus a part of life bah everything comes and goes and i believe that u are also the other obstacle that makes me lead to a better life without u i learn to noe that whose ish more important to me and whose ish being real towards me ... All this while i tot that u are only one who understand me more but am so wrong ... So after i delete all ur photo i have make up my mind to be happy and not to tink of u . Am proud to said that i make it :D i did not shed any tears when i saw those photo ... i tink there not a needs for me to act happy and put up a fake mask anymore :) i'll be who am i . U lead a better life ? So am I :) i bet and i believe that my life now ish better without u :) all those thing u have cheated on me i won hated u even if i see u now I'll jus said it over !
:D therefore i have to thank you for passing by my heart and leave ur foot step over there as i can learn how to be strong and finally learning to be realistic and not being so over paranoid over a small case :) i learn to be calm and steadfastly settle thing ... A BIG Thanks to You :)
From : Ethan Chan
今天的天气预测,喜怒无常的感觉
思想是混乱的,不知道什么是我该做的事
我真的需要一些建议,但我相信一切都会在我自己的优秀基地
Junxi今天的天气预报报告结束 希望明天会是一个更好的日子.
■.Dumb Cock XD
...Saturday, October 2, 2010
Hmm Donnoe how to said YOU seriously haha :D u tink that being a keyboard warrior , will make u become as if u are something like Genius ? nope sorry u are jus making a fool out of urself hahas :D and one more thing if u think that u got the guts den talk infront of me :D if u have no guts den kindly jus fuck off COWARD !!! Get it ? weirdo ? yup kinda agree :D being a stalker instead of ask ppl out ? ish that all u can do ? Haha den i can really said that u are really Childish :D Oops yah forget u are xiao didi sometime ur balls will jus shrink when u met someone that ish more fierce den u ? only noe how to ask ppl to help u when u have trouble ? Oh pls jus bring it on :) the best ish u face this urself i would admire ur courage but too bad u are not :P hmm guess should not said so much le bah haha ownself noe can liao one last word for u :)
U ARE JUS A PIECE OF SHIT , no need to use vulgar language on u cause am more civilize den u get u kiddo :) go back to ur playground and play bah haha Xp
From : Ethan Chan
Lol You Look Like A Freak !!! :D
And Want Said Me ? Come And Find Me
Don Be A Coward :) Go Home Suck Ur Mum Milk Better =X
■.Mark My Words
...Monday, September 27, 2010
Hmm have been tossing around in my beed for sooo freaking long and i still cant get to slp ... So i decided to blog and finally after my blogging i can really get to sleep :)
Alright gonna blog about what happen this few day :)
HmM let start on the 5 days back .
Thursday : went to club and drink alot because having foul mood and have been neglect
quite alot of ppl i cry again because of thing that am not suppose to think as i promises
to get over with it but it seems like a hard thing for me to do so :( but still am willing to try my best to do it cause everytime when i feel sad i told myself tmr ish a better day :) thx for being at my side though it was a short time :) i do cherish it but i bet that u will not believe it at all but nevermind , the problem ish i noe can le .
Friday : stay at home do nth till the late nite meet up with someone to have dinner with :) after that head home
Saturday : wake up and it like freaking late luh so sam came and meet up with me and den we had our dinner at JALAN BESAR (CURRY RICE) after that head to club :) as usual haha hmm really had a quite a good time over there cause it seems that we won a group of ppl by dancing hahas CONGRAT SHAWN and of cause ME hahas :D
Sunday : Went back camp and was like stonning all the way at work after that take half day off and accom alvin go shopping awhile and den head home IT WAS A FUN OUTING but den am tired so went home early .
Monday : went out at nite to eat den head to LAN to play awhile and den head home till now haven even slp hmm gonna get to slp soon after my blog :)... that all for the days :) and i gonna start night part time soon le wor ... haha earn money earn money XD
Hmm Ok i have been tinking alot ever since the day i start to get emo ...
i find that everything seems to be so fake to me but why am still using
a mask to cover up my unwillingness ? so i have to get myself up and
buck up luh ... i gonna change my life and everything surround me :p
i have to work beri beri hard in order to get myself a good life and
also change a image of mine . i gonna MIA for a time being one day after my ORD
and came back with a different ETHAN CHAN JUN XI ... a Ethan that no one
uses to it ... though i noe that it might be hard but as i said NO PAIN NO GAIN :)
so i gonna change and prove to anyone that ish looking down at me a new Ethan
i make sure when i came back with a Different Look i swear i won make any revenge on
them i will let them noe that in the first place they did not treasure me and now make them
regret ... MARK MY WORDS !!!
To those all the way look down on me and trying to act good to me pls Fuck off now frankly
speaking :) i do bite one day :) if u don like me den jolly well fuck off don stay around me jus
because u can get any thing from me :) sorry it a big NO way to u HATERS ....
And don tink that u are good looking and u can start to show off by taking other for granted
i tink that my looks can even compare to ur look luh pls NO ONE ISH BORN PERFECTLY
GET THIS RIGHT :)
so what even u got the looks and brain ? calling other pathetic ? ish this how far u can go ?
don try to sympathy other when u ownself ish also not in a good state :) so why not jus stop
all ur freaking gossiping and spreading rumors about other ? and get ur thing done :)
since u said that u born with a good brain den why not jus use ur thinking on some other thing
instead of thinking how to plot other and get other into trouble . not gonna said so much about those haters that look down on ppl :P
Whatever it ish , Am sure that one day i will surpass you :) get it ? SURPASS MY HATERS :D
AND THIS ISH WHAT AM GONNA FOCUS NOW :) hmm nth le bah nite hope that i can get to slp now .... haiz
From : Ethan Chan
Work hard Work hard
Work Hard for my future
Jia You Jia You Ethan Chan :)
■.PersonalThought
...Friday, August 27, 2010
Hmm been busying with lots of thing like , frenz bday , my own stuff , meeting up with frenz , trying to entertain everyone around me , but what makes me happy was to see them laugh and their smile on their faces , hence but for me ? i don wish to stay unhappy , who wan right , but i jus cant seems to be controlling all my emotion , when times comes i will eventually wear on a mask
to face ppl . it not those evil mask yea :) it those happy mask but i aint happy at all ... sometime i
did question myself why am i facing so much thing and i still can smile ? why not jus show out all
my emotion , Laugh when am Happy , Smile when i feel Delighted , Cry when i feel Sad , Frown when i feel Devastated or Vex , but i still cant find the ans yet but i keep telling myself , i can do it no matter what happen , there sure a way to solve it hmm that why am being so optimistic putting a smile all along my life ,We question love because we did not find it. We question the meaning of dreams when they dont turn out the way we expected. The problem with dreams and ideals is that they prolong our pain and disappointment, making us wonder was it wrong to think that way in the very first place, or when can these dreams come alive.
We need to learn to believe that although some things have not been found does not mean that they don't exist. Perhaps we just did not open our eyes wide enough to realise what is around us. Love, dreams and ideals they're all around us. Life doesnt give us the most perfect answers and most times our hopes and disappointments taint our view of the world - but we should not be unfair to ourselves and to others. And those who hold on steadfast will find their way out of all the darkness that surrounds them.
Like the quote above which is directly translated from chinese, the show actually inspired me alot. It tells us that although things may not be the way we want it to be, we may be devastated over and over again and the rain in our hearts can be prolonged almost as if it's eternal but let's not forget that some day all of it will be washed away. All of this requires our faith and continued hope that there will be something meant for all of us.
But in order to do that, we need to let go of the rainy season. We need to come out of it in order to let go in order to receive. Some day all of this pain will go away.
ALRIGHT ENOUGH OF ALL MY EMO THING .
Hmm so where shall i start ok yesterday it Amanda Gan Ye Shan my 14 years best frenz finally she turns 20 haha old one more year luh so i hereby wishing u another HAPPY BIRTHDAY YEA MY BESTIES !!! yesterday was quite a fun and hectic day didn really get enough of sleep and went to work , after work rush home to change and go bugis meet up with lim , howard , lay hong , ah ting , my sis , ah wen , vivian . we went for steamboat at chong qin , we ate quite alot of food we like eating lots of junks luh haha den after the dinner , i went to maxwell to meet up with amanda they all as she celebrating her birthday in club mah reach there i already see that she been surrounded by her best frenz and present luh , after wishing her happy birthday i sat at other day , watching how happy she ish , I can see that she really enjoy and everyone over there really brighten up her day , i was super envy luh noe :) all my frenz around me are like having ppl to celebrate with them present all around hmm like example : Family , Friends , GF/BF etc etc . but me ? haha nvm forget it :) am alway happy go lucky :D maybe am jus born to envy ppl and cant have the thing i want hahas am not trying to act pathetic down here and don need anyone sympathy at all . cause it jus some of my PERSONAL THOUGHT that all :D
hmm i really donnoe what to said liao le luh i tink i had enough of writing liao hahas :D
Thinks that am going to stop here le luh :D
This all thing ish what am been thinking of everytime haha silly me right ? haha i noe :)
From : Ethan Chan
Just Some Personal Thought
Seriously No Offence :D
Cheers Earthling ...<3>
■.Give Me Wing & Let Me Fly
...Thursday, August 26, 2010
Every night as I lay in my bed, I hate to admit but I take a short escape. When my eyes close, my heart opens. In the quiet moments that I lay still, memories replay themselves. I watch the scenes go by, the people that've come and gone, the places that have be populated and left deserted. I always wonder to myself, is life as fleeting as a dream? How to we make permanent the things that seem to float by?
I tried all my life to capture my dreams. I felt like a fisherman dipping a huge net into the vast ocean and giving a huge sweep. It takes too much effort, we cant fight fate. The net can only hold so much, and so much else will get away. I'm a dreamer and in my own quiet times, I am guilty of letting things pass me by, just thinking passively that dreams are meant to be imagined. I've lost out on putting up a good fight for the things I really want in life, I sink back in my chair rather than take a step forward. In these same ways, I have been very unfair to myself, believing that good things happen to those who wait. This inertia gives me reason to be defeated. I seem happy to be losing.
As I grew older, I became more and more tired. Tired to put a positive spin to a sob story, tired to smile on the days I know are sour. There is no need for falsities and let's not pretend everyday is full of yellow sunbeams. If they're black, they're black. I often think about my dreams however, and I've always wondered how they could retain such perfection, such idealistic flavour that it makes me desire and long to be nowhere but closer to my imagined perfection. The tiredness that is in my soul feeds the energy and the search for that one beautiful thing - i don't even really know what it is anymore. But vaguely i know it does exist; it is almost an essence found in love, life and our dreams.
We search endlessly without knowing what it really is. Take me somewhere so that I can fly again
From : Ethan Chan
Every Moment With Black & White
I Will Fill It With Colours Again :)
■.useless ethan
...Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Hmm jus now talk to my frenz i feel that am so useless luh frenz got their cert and manage to get into flight steward and guess what out of 1000 only 50 person will get the job and he manage to get the job and am super envy him luh den he ask me to join him as a AIR STEWARD and i ask him what their requirment and he said O level ish like wth can haiz den i told him that i only got N level cert and he said also can ask me to go try tiger air or jet asia den he still encourage me to go take up that challenge cause the pay ish high . can u expect that when u jus got in and become a air steward ur salary ish as high as 7k can can u guys imagine that ? hmm i wanted to try but am scare and lack of confident .... hmm
still wondering what kind of salary i be taking when am ORD luh i wish to get a pay higher den last time and obviously higher den NS pay but it really hard luh sooo many competitors like how to get in also donnoe can :(
Now my only motivation i also scare will be gone soon luh , i wanna to study hard and work hard but it seems like a impossible job for me luh haiz i noe that nothing ish impossible but still i will keep trying bah if fated only can work a job that ish giving me a 2k salary i also jus take it as fated and jus accept it :D better then no job luh hmm am gonna make sure from now on in my life am not gonna to make any more mistake . strike for my future that i wanted . i know i can do it if i work hard so am not gonna to lazz around buck up for now .... aint no regret whenever road am ended in :D jia you ethan chan jun xi :D
first am gonna try to go for the interview at airport :D
when i going to near ORD
AIR STEWARD , if not jiu OFFICE JOB :D
From : Ethan Chan
have to work hard
for my everything
jus to lead a life without
any major worry :D Jia You !!!
■.tired of drama
...Saturday, July 17, 2010
Hmm am back to blog again , hmm where to start ? alright i should make it short den hmm
this whole week am damn restless luh also donnoe what happen ... wanna to update my blog also lazy to update ... hmm this whole week had happen quite alot of thing for me and it quite some happening week bah hmm i laugh like no body business , i did drop my tear again , thx for the memories that came back again , i have tried to to cut down on my diet hahas , and lots of thing
Alright one thing that make me cant really forget the past ish because whenever i tot i have already forget that person already but that day that person appear infront of me again , hmm but i told myself am not a weakling come on i can overcome it ... XD guess what ? I MANAGE TO DID IT !!! am feeling so proud of myself cause i can get it over but bad thing ish .... thing really have to end up like this jus to end everything ... i been thru hard time a really hard time till now ... hmm even though am blogging now my tear are around my eye i have to control it i cant drop anymore tear for anything not anymore ... I noe that it not good when i have to bear everything on myself , alot of ppl saying that am jus torturing myself but frankly speaking NO !!!! am not cause i donnoe who to face to even i found someone to talk to i donnoe how to start and i don even like ppl to sympathy me that all so i rather keep everything to myself .
There are once , someone had told me this , don worry no matter what happen u need me i alway be there to be ur listening ear share ur every sadness happiness together , but did that person did it ? haas the ans ish Big Fat NO !!! everytime i did try to call that person but in the end being hang up on the phone , i had enough of all this nonsense luh , what i wish for ish to be like normal ppl whenever they are sad ppl will be there for them ... i had put on a fake smile for ages no one had realise it , i admit i do envy , i do jealous , i do wish for thing like that but perharp this fate bah :) hmm i learn to tink positive and everything luh ...
Once again , i had to thank them for leaving footstep in my life , and walk away without giving any warning ... and let me be alone down the lonely street in the cold weather ... let me learn how to fight alone in the lonely war , thanks for everything i will forgive everything but never will i forget you !!! you noe that who am i referring to . i tink am not talking much about all this thing le bah cause whenever i recall back this thing i jus feel like crying out ... hmm kkae bah should stop here am not talking much bah ...
LABEL : I MIGHT SEEMS TO BE STRONG BUT DEEP INSIDE ME AM NOT ,
I HAVE MY OWN SORROW TIME WHO NOES ? HMM GUESS NO ONE DID
I LIVE FOR MYSELF NOT FOR OTHER , THANK FOR LETTING ME
BECOMING SO INDEPENDENT AND STRONG THANKS FOR EVERYTHING
From : Ethan Chan
i might be strong outside
but actually am not life
alway full of sadness and happiness
jus live for wat u are and u will see the
sky turn blue and flower scent everywhere
and there alway be a fine rainbow above us :)
■.am wear out , batt left in me 30%
...Saturday, June 12, 2010
Yesterday was a fun nite with jojo they all and we were enjoying ourself hmm ...
but due to to my mood was so down i have no choice but to put on a mask to
get high and join in the fun .
alright am not gonna make it draggy anymore ...
make it straight to the point which i wanted to speak .
Am moving out soon , real soon ... staying alone ... i donnoe what to do
yah though i have been independent since 13 year old i thought that
i can adapt to the life of independent , yea indeed i have make it but
i fail to one thing that ish staying alone on other flat ...
we left we no choice , but to move out and stay on our own ...
have already been seperate from dad and become a broken family
and left we the 4 of us Me , Mum , and my two sis ... and i have been
trying my beri hard to hold on to this family but what the point of me
and my mum holding on where the rest of them don give a damn
and jus hack care . Expect their life to be some Luxury life . and in the
end suffer ish me and my mum ... am holding a freaking 420 pay not
4200 pay !!! get this right after paying my bill i left not much to help
and GREAT ! now we have to stay our own move out and stay in a room
with no KINS , no FRIEND , and staying with STRANGERS ... really thanks
you guys alot for making the situation becoming like that . I have give up
am exhausted super tired of explaining everything , rushing u guys to do this
and that , am tired of putting mask whenever am out of the house ...
the mask of fake smile where i don actually have to show out but i have
no choice ... but i have been telling myself that no matter what i still have to be
strong ... that the spirit that falls in me , i do cry but no infront of friends so am
not actually that strong cause afterall am still human , am not a robot ...
hence , when can all this bad luck stop falling on me , i cant take it anymore luh
currently am still rushing to find work and room jus to support for myself ...
Haiz what to do ? even though it really hearts break to see this and am really super
down but i still have to move on cause life still goes on ... every obstacles make me
grow stronger but i don really know i can hold on till when ... i tink let jus let the natural
take its own course bah ... i don wanna predict and don even dare to tink about anything
am scare to face the fact perharps :(
ARGHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~ i need a break , i need a long rest , a long long rest so that
i can don need to think so much ... I noe what i said ish all rubbish cause how can i probably
take long rest where thing already reaching the verge ... sadistic right haiz but i still believe
that am gonna make thru this obstacles ... TRUST ME ! TRUST ETHAN ! everything gonna turns out to be fine one day :) jia you bah
WORK HARDER ETHAN CHAN !!!
From : Ethan Chan
I hope i can close my eye
forever so that i don need
to wake up and face the scary
reality haiz .... am gonna out of
breath one day jus one fine day ...
Hope that thing will turns well soon :(
■.being philosphere
Am back to blog again . first am gonna said that am in a super unlucky state recently .
First 11B lost
Second : Passport Lost ...
haiz i donnoe what going to be next luh ... now am suddenly becoming a illegal immigrant luh wtf have to get my passport and 11B done real soon ... sian max luh haiz and one more thing ish that i stalk back ur profile again :( i promise myself to forget u ENTIRELY but i cant donnoe ish u left me a deep impression or i jus merely cant remove u from my life but for now ish not the same will be the last time i stalk u cause i ban u from my every profile hope this time works am not gonna said much le jus to said first of all i gonna said that all this unluckyness faster gone ... secondly i can successfully done with all my thing luh ... argh ....
Gonna post something philosophy stuff jus some random stuff
After all this while i have learn alot of thing should i put it in a good or a bad way ?
hmm Never take people for granted , hold every person close to your heart .
because you might one day wake up and realise that u have lost a diamond
while u were too busy collecting stone , everyone do come and goes in our life journey
what are we holding onto ? Some already know the ans , some are still findind the answer
i donnoe whether i put it in this way ish a correct way but still i tink i have found my answer
My answer for living well and hanging onto ish to find the right one jus for me to spend my
life with ... *i donnoe i have found it not but be it have or not i still have to be grateful to what i have* crave out my own career or stuck to a job that holds a good income living in a paradise or my own i know this might be some hard work or some impossible thing for me to do but no matter what it takes , i will give it a try .... being mean and straight foward ish my style i don mean it ... but sometime i jus have to do it ... cause only like this am not easily beaten up by other
i don really give a damn to ppl who giving me bad comment and saying stuff that ish totally it jus their make up stories ...
Am still hiding in a world where there ish only me , THE LONELY SOUL ... the soul that will be trap like forever ... no light ahead him and every corner feels with cold air ... because of rumor and i become like this sitiuation ... thx to all haters ... but haters i jus wanna to advise you ppl this thing that ish :
Remember This Haters : saying stuff that it not real and making urself feel damn happy , i can tell you that i feel kinda pathetic for you , cause thing will alway reflect to urself one day and don forget whatever u are doing theres something watching at you ... Mind Your Own Business den inteferring other ppl problems ... believe in karma den good for you but if u don den am sorry :D prepare to take ur retribution bah :) hmm nothing much le shall update next time :D
time for lunch with someone special :D takeaire
From : Ethan Chan
The World which left with
a Lonely Soul .... Peace :)
■.sadness fill the joyful world ?
...Thursday, June 3, 2010
可以吗让我和你对调
希望换成你爱我爱得快要疯掉
知道吗你对我多重要
只是现在的我们并不适合拥抱
爱随着风飘荡飘过了你嘴角
飘到天涯海角
把我困在这城堡哪里也逃不了
我不要别人温柔的怀抱
听不见你的心跳
连我熟悉的味道再也闻不到
我只要你喊我一次就好
从前亲昵的暗号
多想再次亲耳听到
让我暂时的依靠
那是短暂止痛药很快会失效
你只要再哄我一次就好
让我可以很骄傲
记住我拥有过的好
记住在你怀里微笑
From : Ethan Chan
everything sooner or later will
become sorror movie but i will still
alway rem the smile u left for me ...
■.thing have change
...Saturday, May 29, 2010
it been quite sometime i blog at here le , hmm let me said some of the thing that have become reality ... recently am down with fever , flu and cough have been resting at home for a period of time don even have the strength to update my blog , alright gonna stop all the crap and move on to the main point i wanna to let out .
Everyone seems to be changing , i donnoe for what reason .
thing around me ?
people around me ?
last but not least the reality that falls on me .
uses to be a kind of happy go lucky person but now ?
The art that use to be so firm have eventually change ,
The old art have started to faded into the most precious memories
I have already expected it so i don tink i will live with regret and so on
i decided to move on even the reality turns out to be worst Etc .
i won hold back anything jus to satisfied anyone .
i donnoe when this all thing start to change but i noe it happen for
a reason ... i won't ask much as i also don wish to know anything .
i will act as if i donnoe what going on and what happening ...
am not hiding from the reality or not being bold enough to
face the fact ... am jus pretending that everything ish ok
where i know it not and it gonna to happen real bad in sometime .
this ish destiny it fate where everyone cant run away ...
sometime i asked myself did i do something wrong again ?
but my mind and heart was telling me ,
No u are not ... but i alway feel that am in the wrong
but for now whenever i don feel in the wrong i won feel any guilty
at all cause i know that i don owe anyone anything ...
So even if they tends to leave , i won hold back or shed any tear .
Wanna said me change ? den look urself at the mirror first or go
reflex how u treat me bah . :D Am not referring to anyone but jus
to voice out only if someone try to comment me or talk bad abt me .
Am not trying to be cocky or what but am jus stating the fact .
so yea am not gonna to talk much anymore le jus let the natrual take
it own course bah ...
From : Ethan Chan
Am not myself anymore ?
i cant find the answer ...
■.a random post
hmm a beri random post that am gonna to post today :)
hmm suddenly memory past back it regrading abt family ,
today saw a family was eating in the coffee shop and remind me
how i use to sit down with my family and eat , with my biological dad , ,mum , and two sis
including me . hence sad to said that it all over ever since two years back ... sometime
am really envy those people but i cant said much jus can only see and feel happy for them .
whenever seen this kind of situation am alway smile with my heart breaking .
i have tried to save the house but in the end i fail , i don blame myself for failing this task
cause it a human being rights , i promise not to curse and swear about this thing cause it do
me no good . haiz can i said it a bad thing or a good thing ? ever since my family have never
been good but i don mind cause i have a proper family :) but till now ? everything ish over
i really do hate my dad for throwing us behind and leave us jus like that , but till now i have forget everything noe why ? cause i have my mum love that enough :D hmm though am
smiling with the greatest might i can but deep inside my heart was totally break into
pieces ... i accpet the fact and i admit i lose to fate , fate took away my family , my relationship
and got me into today de me ... i donnoe i have to thank you or not , cause in the first place u take away my family and let me learn how to independent , trust only myself and live with my own
and now i can proudly said that am strong enough to defeat u am not gonna to bow my head to fate anymore . now what i can do was to use my strenght to pull back the bond of my sis and mum . my decision ish to let myself to be strong and though am feeling really down but i will learn to climb up again from my fall , i have seen thru everything le am open with this thing called LIFE ... i seen more den other ppl do , i learn how to survive on my own , i learn how to stay strong infront of everyone , i learn how to bear with those small thing or stupid thing that come against me i learn to overcome every Obstacles , i can said that am stronger den anyone else i don need a listening ear anymore , i don need ppl to cares for me maybe this ish what i become after being thru a deep hurt , ish this me ? perharps bah .
ETHAN CHAN JUN XI YOU HAVE CHANGE TO OTHER PERSON
STAY STRONG FOREVER AND NO MATTER WHAT COMES IN
YOUR WAY , JUST FUCK IT AND MOVE ON TO YOUR LIFE !!!
CAUSE LIFE LEAVE NO MERCY TO ANYONE .
From : Ethan Chan
from the day a brand new Ethan
was born out to fight for his own right
future jia you don give up easily !!!
■.MONEY MONEY MONEY
hmm recently jus change my phone to X10 Xperia hmm it look super duper cool can hmm i like the application inside and lot of thing to experience luh am loving this phone alot alot hahas am beri sure that am not gonna to anyhow leave it luh hahas hmm there alot of thing keep pop in my head the first thing ish my bday thing hmm i wish that it can be successfully done but guess that am wrong le now i have to drop this idea due to something crop up and have to super duper save money hmm cause it over the badget hmm so there ish only one thing to do and that ish freaking drop the idea and never think of it anymore , though it kinda sad but what to do ? haha face the fact ETHAN CHAN !!! hmm and now there ish only one thing for me to do ish to work + work + work that all no other thing no more like shopping , and stuff hmm even now i have work with high pay i will never think it enough for me , cause i still have lots to support hmm a simple minded guy handling so much thing by himself and yet he still can manage to put a smile on his face and never show other ppl his weak point that ish Ethan Chan this ish me ! hmm though am super tired already but what to do life still goes on .
in my philosophy life , there ish alot of thing happen ,
people do come and go , frenz walked into ur life and dissapear
at the next moment , family ? having a great strauggle ! No bond ?
i don dare to said , relationship wise will alway never be good for me .
everything keep going againist me i did told my sir abit about my thing ,
and he told me this ish life this ish the stage that am start to grow up to
become a man , i was like if it like this am i counted as a man since 13 ?
have been moulding myself to be independent , and yet i manage to moulded myself
i have lots of question lots and bundle of question but jus that u donnoe who to ask
no one can truely give me an answer , some frenz treat u well when u have money or
u are someone who have power ish this call frenz ? or jus making u as sparetyre ?
i donnoe , have been finding the ans that have pop in my mind for beri long time .
but till now i cant get the answer but den i still can proudly said that i seen thru alot
of thing alot alot of thing den you guys and for ppl who have readed my blog ... i have lots
thing to said but i don dare to stated it down here i jus stated everything in my private blog
Why ? why am i doing all this ? ans beri simple that ish i don wish to let anyone sympathy me
u guys can tell me that u guys are not sympathy nor pity me but still ? i won spilt anything out
as i can handle myself and my own thing i don need a LISTENING EAR :D cause every thing i said might burst out into tear i can said not only me , u guys might burst out into tear when u guys heard about the story of my life , but so sorry am not gonna to leak out anything so u guys can rest assure hmm am a Optismistic person i noe what am doing even if i done or walk a wrong path am still doing all this thing for the sake of myself
u can said that am sound beri deprived but still have to said NO am not .
i wanted to cry and shout out loud but i cant ! noe why ? cause this ish a freaking singapore that have no open space for ppl to let out themself
for me good : 20% Bad : 80% seriously when can i really get over this all thing ?
someone told me after army i get to work my own thing i might can survive on my own .
but haiz nevermind forget let jus sit and wait till i get my army done .
my feeling now ish like closing my eye and forever rest in one special bed and never wake up
but NO i cant cause i cant leave my MUM behind , there one time i have attempt to kill myself by over dose medication but in the end i throw everything away cause the moment i wanted to take up i think of my family , though both of my sis never speak up but i noe they seriously need me especially my mum , so i will never ever leave them behind i will work hard for it :D
hah ! droping my tear when blogging this post i guess that am not gonna said much le bah cause it hinting me not to drop any single tear anymore , last but not least am super tired but yet i can get to slp , am exhausted , shag and stress ! but i still have to hold on ... there only one thing that can buck me up only one word JIA YOU ETHAN CHAN JUN XI U ARE NOT A WEAKLING !
From : Ethan Chan
Philosophy tough and struggle Life
JIA YOU CHAN JUN XI U WILL SUCCESS ONE DAY !
■.good sign or bad sign
hmm donnoe wanna to blog as what today as my mind was totally blank after reading ur some note
i believe there ish something bothering u that why u make this choice . i did not done anything wrong this time i can said but if u still insist on choosing this path den ok i don wanna said much
bearing the pain to let a person go maybe thing will come out in a different stories but jus don regret with the choice u are doing :)
for the pass few day my mind was jus popping up those question that makes me so curious and envy luh my frenz have got into a relationship recently and they both seems to be beri sweet , maybe it jus the outlook instead of the inner look bah but still envy them lots am jus wondering when i can really found a relationship that can don give ANTI PROMISES to the other partner though that person have accomplish some of the promise but still it a anti promise u gave if u did not fulfill one of them cause u are jus leaving the other partner of urs a HURTS . till now am feeling so down but am jus putting on my fake mask again , u said that before that u are not gonna to leave me but in the end ? hmm guess that after all it was jus a lies , hmm i won drop a
single tear for u anymore not because i don treasure any feeling with u but am jus trying to tink positive as am a grown up person i noe that even that in my life u are gone , life still goes on so i won even mad at u . all i can do ish to said thx for loving me that deeply once i try to be stonger everyday even though am a weakling deep inside me but am still won let other to look at my weak point . i hide every sorrow behind my smile and laughter so that no one can truely see true me . saying that am a self fish person ? go ahead am not gonna to mad at what other ppl said but well said what u wan den ... am not give u guys any damn :)
Amanda (one of my besties) she did told me once , "Nel , pls lah don ever put ur whole heart onto someone where it ended up ish YOU are the one who gets those shit and hurt etc alway rem this hongster never die ! tiong xim first to die ! (flirt ppl never get hurt but faithful ppl will hurt deeply)" but i alway told her but ethan still alive , but till now i have to accept the reality and admit that ethan has die . haiz i donnoe what to said , listening to song , tinking back the arguement we had , the fun time we had , the stubborness of me toward u , the worries that u had for me , u are the one giving on to me , the courage u gave to me , i do appreciate alot . if u decide to leave forever , nevermind u can go i won hold on to u i will jus bear the hurt move on and won look back ... last but not least really thx u for the past and loving that u shown me , i will not forget all this thing , guess that when the time u leave me it time to move on to the other stage of my life a truely grown up stage hmm . goodbye past welcome future :D
From : Ethan Chan
Come On Ethan wake up to the reality !!!
■.haiz thing change
...Thursday, April 29, 2010
hmm tinking of what to blog about , recently quite busy with my own thing so have no idea to blog abt ...
ok bah let talk about this thing , yesterday went down to play with amanda and their frenz we manage to get in the club but amanda was being bounch out because she lend frenz IC and was being ban for one day , (erm maybe it half day) LOL . me and alvin was tinking of a way to pull amanda and sam in by opening a bottle down there in the end guess what ? that fucking door bitch don let mean don let mah super duper angry knn (FUCK THAT DOOR BITCH ) she was freaking ignorance can ! hmm den after that nevermind i join april they all at there dance and drink after that went home as too tired le , along the road to home i have been tinking alot of thing , haiz yesterday ish the second time i saw him walk pass me after so long luh , and i was like =.=" and my memories start to flash back , haiz i do really miss that person but yet ..... haiz don wish to stated out cause i don wanna this feeling keep on bugging me am enough of it le luh wanted to get rid fast but cant ... Last but not least , i have told u already , but u jus don believe me and see now problem have come out le , not that we suspect u or wat , cause it too obvious le and we did not said u betray us but what make u tink so ? unless u did something that feel sorry to us that why u will tink that wat but i do really hope that u become like last time and not now but if u insist on becoming like now and don wan change i won force u :) cause it ur choice anyway ... hmm try ask me out and find me talk bah maybe can resolve everything ... and hello XIAO JIE , when are u going with me to club uh ? i tot u said wan go ? guess that u also won be going le bah cause tink that u are happy right now ok den so be it bah :) buai and takeaire everyone :D
From : Ethan Chan
Label : Why ? Why ? Why am i still tinking about the past ?
haiz seriously i don like this feeling .
Feeling like tearing up now but i have to stay strong still hmm
cheer up Ethan Chan u can do it :D jia you !!!
■.what feeling in me ?
...Thursday, April 15, 2010
well am back to blog again , it been a long long time i have not been posting any blog .
alright what am going to share ish i been having nightmare that am not gonna to reveal it out
to said what it ish but am jus feeling super duper scare , whenever i close my eyes the picture of the nightmare came to my image and i don even noe how to erase this dream , am not trying to rem those unhappy thing etc but it jus that it keeps on hunting me down and making me feel so insecure but i cant tell anyone abt it cause i donnoe how to put it in , as in i also don like to being sympathy by other ... that why am behaving in a happy go lucky manner ... i don drop tear infront of them but still i also need a shoulder to relies on ... who would be there for me ? i donnoe . guess that am jus being stubborn and not to let anyone noes how i feel and that all , i have one big regret in my life , that why am still holding on to my stubborness and by not telling other how i feel cause i don wish to repeat the same mistake that i trust the wrong person . am not saying that frenz around me i cant trust ... they can trust but i jus don wish anyone to noe how i feel that all . call me self fish or whatever thing bah am not gonna to get piss with what u people comment on me because beside that i only can trust myself excluding my mum , i really wish to cry out loud and throw those unhappy memories into the deep blue sea but somehow i jus cant get thru it ...
i been looking up the sky and thinks back all the unhappy/happy past that i have ,
tear slowly runs down my cheeks , heart become more and more sour .
i try not to drop any single tear since the day where thing happen to be so unlucky for me ...
in my mind i have been thru mountain and sea jus to find back the smile that i uses to have
but till now deep in my heart am still in a lost ... who can unlock my heart , and open the door that have been locked for years and wake me up in from the reality ? i donnoe and i dare not to think ... i don dare to even go find ...
but i know that gods alway be there for me . blame it on myself to throw the key into the deep blue sea and hope no ones find it but i do that i have my own reason ...
am not trying to make myself into miserable mood instead am trying my beri best to gain back
all the smile that appear in my face before ... people around me have seem to be changing alot and i noe i should accept the fact by doing my own job well and not to be so pathetic by making myself so unglam infront of everyone , i hope peoples around me are happy and laughter in their faces and not sad faces ... yeap !!! i do agree i done my part . so i won be blaming other etc ...
what i wish now ish everything goes smoothly and my lucky , smiles come back to me .
and last but not least
TO THOSE POLITICALLY NAIVE PERSON , PLS FUCK OFF IF YOU DONNOE ME WELL !
WELL , AM NOT A DUMB ASS BUT AM A SILENT KILLER
TREAT ME NICE I TREAT U BACK NICE ,
TREAT ME BAD I SIMPLY TREAT YOU BACK WHAT YOU DONE TO ME x2
AN EYE FOR AN EYE , I DON WISH TO DO THAT BUT DON FORCE ME .
RESPECT ME I WILL JOLLYWELL RESPECT YOU
AND IF U DON AND I WILL EVENTUALLY TREAT YOU LIKE A PIECES OF SHIT ! :D
GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE AND INCLUDING ME , MUM , XIAO MEI , DA JIE , UNCLE :D
From : Ethan Chan
philosophere Ethan<3>
■.thing that never regret
...Thursday, March 11, 2010
hmm today was kinda boring luh ... cause went back straight after work and stay at home all the way ... hmm sian , actually was tot of going to clubbing de but den in the end ...never go due to some crop up ... let don talk abt this le bah hmm call receive call from kes and i call back and ask them where are they den they said they are studing and ask me to come , as nothing to do at home den i headed to whampo find kes they all luh hmm currently now they are studying and am blogging LOL cool right haas ... hmm so let wish philp and kes all the best for their exam bah good luck XD
alright gonna blog about other thing le
guess that u guys been hearing stuff like jack neo have a scandal so and so yea
so let jus talk abt his topic bah ...
although recently found out that jack neo outside having some affair and it like
no big deal can donnoe why recently this thing happen and ppl start to said him
stuff and so on but on the other hand do u guys noe that no one ish perfect at all ?
why cant others give him chance to amend his fault ? hmm seriously donnoe wat going
on with singaporean mind set . Tsk i admit that am singaporean too but i don have that tinking at all but den everyone was saying that singapore ish a peaceful place to live in but why all this nonsense have to come out by ppl mouth hmm ... i believe that everyone have a second chance so let not be some protest like wat other country do ... don because of wat ppl have make one mistake and everyone start to pin point him/her or start gossiping abt him etc etc
and i jus realise that ppl like to make a big fuss when some big stars make some mistake .
ish it that they are jealous abt their famous ? or ish it they jus tink that they are 100 percent perfect that they don do mistake ? pls human being tend to make mistake so i don tink it a freaking big deal for u those ppl to make such a big fuss ... especially those REPORTER !!! i tink i do make sense abt this topic so i don tink am in the wrong for posting this up so yap
People try to give in and be abit more forgiveness to other and i believe that will do some good kin for u but for those
GOSSIPER who give bad comment on those big stars who make such a mistake den i tink that u guys life has nothing better to do so jus get an life instead of saying other ppl bad point :)
One last thing that ish JACK NEO ZHI QIANG it abit disappointing that u done such stuff but if u are sincere to amend i bet that u will be some pop stars again and no matter wat happen i still will support ur show and support u yea don give up life or anything else so easy ...
buck up yea jia you XD
From : Ethan Chan
jack neo it not the end yet
look forward and forget the past bah :D
■.VEX VEX VEX
...Wednesday, March 3, 2010
am feeling super duper stress now luh donnoe why recently ppl are keep on suspecting his/her own gf/bf seriously wat the fuck can ... when i tend to tell the truth u guys jus freaking don believe and den when i starting to lie abit and u guys can freaking go believe it frankly speaking wtf ish going on with ur head or mind ? am feeling super duper tired liao leh i don wanna this stress keep on upcoming to my freaking head and makes me need to tink this and tink that ... u guys noe better wat am i and hows my character i don need u guys to freaking teach me how to do and so on i noe wat am doing and so wat i did make a mistake before ? it doesn't mean that i be freaking condem by u ppl forever right ! am starting to get piss with wat ur mind tinking abt and so on cause watever i did not do anything and u guys will be saying that wat ? i flirt , i go out with other ppl having sex with other ? everyone do have a past i believe and one more thing ish am not a perfect person ! if u wanna find a perfect person that won lie that alway freaking follow u have look and so on den be my guest and go find urself i do admit that am not really a perfect person but so wat if u tink am not a perfect person den in the first place why u freaking wanna be with me den ? FUCK !
pls lah i have enough stress and i don wanna add on any problem more into my stress liao luh i cant forget my past and whenever reach till late nite where am alone i will start to tink abt those unhappy thing . why ? cause it meant alot to me that why i cant forget , u guys tink i don wanna to forget those unhappy past ? haiz i seriuosly have nth to said . why am complaining down here instead of face to face talk ? cause i don wanna freaking cause a fight with u that why i keep in my freaking heart and complaining down here . i really wish i could find one place and freaking shout out loud and cry out loud jus because of my stress ish adding on . i don really noe wat to do next all i can do ish freaking walk one step count one step ... i don need any single psycology help from u guys at all cause i can heal myself u guys can said am crazy ! YAH SO WAT IF AM REALLY CRAZY ? it doesn matter to u guys cause u guys makes me to become and behave this way ... from now on i gonna be hard hearted, cold hearted and SURPASS everyone and i make sure i make my future with a freaking light infront of me so that i can show u guys that wat am good at and u guys can simply look down on those freaking N level student ... i make sure am gonna be somebody one day . jus freaking wait and see !!!
From : ETHAN
i don give a freaking damn now
feeling like crying out loud haiz ...
■.FOR YOU BITCH
...Saturday, February 27, 2010
SPECIAL DEDICATED FOR U BITCH !!!
listen up bitch , don tink that u have score ur result well and u can simply jus saying other bad point out . wat abt u u ? jus shut up and out a dudor in ur freaking mouth or u can even take some guys dick to stuck in ur mouth jus to make sure u are shut mute ...
acting as a pro bitch ? fuck u den _l_
there one word to said u and i tink it match u quite well that ish
freaking arrogant bitch ! u tink u are pretty and comparing ur look toward other ?
WAH SEH bird talking sia *tweet tweet* bet that ur house no mirror right that why u cant
even see ur freaking "cinderella" face i mean as in other kind of cinderella like those
having freaking arrogant attitude , speak at ppl back , comparing the look toward other where
u don even have that look at all OMG CAN!!!
look am not trying to be a bitch down here but ish u are the one who make me piss off with ur attitude . wat u tell other ? saying that "UR FRENZ" hello wat ish that to do with ur frenz ?
u tink ur frenz ish better den her frenz ? if u tink that ur frenz ish really that good and u can showing off them infront of everyone den why not showing ur bf or frenz to goverment better right ? wake up ur freaking mind lah bitch don tink that ur backup ish big and u can jus talk without using ur 3 year old brain to tink lah hor ....
and one more thing get this right bitch if u tink that u are most pretty and u are well protected
gal in this world den i can said that u done a good job for that but too bad u're not !!!
There ish one more thing that u have to noe that ish there are still lots of ppl more pretty den u ! don tink that u are everything to other cause u are jus a frog in a well that never even fully seen the freaking world so jus don comparing urself toward other . Know why ? cause in the end u are jus making a big hilarious joke of urself ...
bet that u from sec one till sec 4 u have lots of joke history so i don tink u wan any other joke to
come out anymore right ? SO BETTER STOP ALL UR FREAKING UNNECESSERY NOUNSENE DEN !
having so much confident in urself by asking someone smarter den u to talk to u ?
i bet there not a need to waste the freaking time to talk to u den ...
if u tink that u are smarter den my brother den prove urself and stop gossiping abt other
if his a brainless chap den how abt u ?
ignorant bitch ?
arrogant bitch ?
self decieve bitch ?
or maybe jus a
DIABOLICAL P.L.K ?
maybe u should really get some life to do frankly speaking u are
jus getting on other ppl nerve .
am posting this all thing in my blog ish not going againist u
jus to let u wake up ur mind BITCH ... anyway no point talking to u
and saying much abt those unglam stuff abt u yea so
yap bitch take notes of all i write and started to tink wat u wanna do
next yea stop acting as a childish immature bitch u are old enough to tink
unless u have some speciality in ur brain or mindset lah den i have nothing to said ...
so yap this for u bitch
From : Ethan
to those pathetic bitch
Hmm jus now talk to my frenz i feel that am so useless luh frenz got their cert and manage to get into flight steward and guess what out of 1000 only 50 person will get the job and he manage to get the job and am super envy him luh den he ask me to join him as a AIR STEWARD and i ask him what their requirment and he said O level ish like wth can haiz den i told him that i only got N level cert and he said also can ask me to go try tiger air or jet asia den he still encourage me to go take up that challenge cause the pay ish high . can u expect that when u jus got in and become a air steward ur salary ish as high as 7k can can u guys imagine that ? hmm i wanted to try but am scare and lack of confident .... hmm still wondering what kind of salary i be taking when am ORD luh i wish to get a pay higher den last time and obviously higher den NS pay but it really hard luh sooo many competitors like how to get in also donnoe can :(
Hmm am back to blog again , hmm where to start ? alright i should make it short den hmm
Yesterday was a fun nite with jojo they all and we were enjoying ourself hmm ...
